Say nothing about it.
Wear your last ragged set of underwear and socks an extra day and mention this to them.
Remind them about it the next time they're around.
Do it for them this time.
Tease them about it in the morning.
Get up and move to the couch for the night.
Wake them gently, then hold them until they get back to sleep.
Yell at them to knock it off.
Send them a cab.
Call them back on their cell phone and ask when they'll be home.
Pick them up in your car.
Go to a movie.
Set a reminder on the TV and plan the day for the two of you to stay home.
Plan a family outing tomorrow.
Plan to spend the day out shopping.
Take this opportunity to mention that they never pay enough attention to you.
Ask them how they know so much about cooking.
Tell them as far as you're concerned, you never want to see the inside of the kitchen again.
Offer to learn more recipes from cookbooks and cooking shows on TV.
Announce that you can start ordering take-out more often.
Spank the dog and kick it outside.
Mention to your spouse that the dog could use some obedience training.
Destroy something of your spouse's to get revenge.
Demand that they get rid of the dog.
Casually show it to your spouse.
Destroy the letter and never bring it up, since it would only make them jealous.
Attempt to investigate whether your spouse has any old flames they're not telling you about.
Call up the old flame and arrange a discreet encounter at the motel.
Leave it for them to clean up.
Replace it with a cheaper model you bought at a rummage sale.
Mention it to them and offer to pay for a new one.
Yell at them for leaving all their dusty old junk in your way.