Your Mother Would Be Proud: The Quiz
In Your Mother Would be Proud, Tamara Sheward and Jenny Valentish have persuaded some of Australia's best-known celebrities, writers, comedians, actors and musos into spilling some of their most scurrilous secrets, outrageous exploits and embarrassing moments for your delectation. Test your imagination, credulity and/or street cred in our quiz based on true tales from the book.
- 1.I played a lot of sport as a child. That was my big defining activity, same with my father. So I’d spent all weekend pissing about playing cricket and rugby and hadn’t done my English homework. It was due on Monday morning and I thought: okay, how can I get out of school tomorrow? I’ve got to come up with a plan. (from 'Better Out Than In', Angus Sampson)What did Angus do?
- A.
Phoned in a bomb threat to the school
- B.
Had his appendix removed unnecessarily
- C.
Staged an accident to make it look like he'd been mugged
- D.
Secretly ate choc-flavoured laxatives, visited the bathroom a lot and complained of a sore tummy
- 2.A few years ago something strange started happening. As well as dying on stage, we [the band] actually started killing people. (from 'My Life as a Fluffy Boy', Barry Divola)How did Barry's band the Fluffy Boys kill people?
- A.
Electrocution of stray audience member by dodgy amps
- B.
With a Wall of Sound
- C.
Invoked a fatal curse by covering their songs
- D.
Heart attacks in swooning fans
- 3.Sometimes I wonder what's happened to the world of dating, or, perhaps more correctly, what happened to revenge. These days revenge means "indulging" in a packet of Tim Tams and the $500 pair of shoes he didn't think you should buy, in some sort of karmic/retail payback, or posting anonymous tips on an American-run website for spurned (yet polite) ladies, in case anyone from Boise, Idaho is entertaining the idea of dating your former man. Maybe you'll get a bitchin' new haircut and colour, too. Where's the catharsis, where's the satisfaction in any of that? (from 'Case Of The Ex', Clem Bastow)How did Clem take revenge on her ex?
- A.
By holding his parents hostage until he gave back her black T-shirt
- B.
Scrubbed a toothbrush in a toilet bowl
- C.
Logged into his email account and sent messages to his new girlfriend in his name
- D.
Gave him a cap previously worn by a lice-infested younger cousin
- 4.If I remember correctly we’d caught the #333 bus to Belconnen Mall so Suzie G (not her real initial) could flog an Antz Pantz bra and knickers set she’d spotted in the latest Grace Bros catalogue.(from 'I’d Like To Thank The David Jones Makeup Counter', Sarah Wilson)What career path did this set Sarah upon?
- A.
Successful model
- B.
Unsuccessful career criminal
- C.
World-weary journalist
- D.
Chemist
- 5.I remember touring New Zealand with Cold Chisel — actually I only just remember it. We had a young band supporting us on that particular tour called INXS, and I decided to take them under my wing and give them some lessons on touring.(from 'Nothing Exceeds', Jimmy Barnes)What were the lessons Jimmy taught them?
- A.
How To Get Wasted In The Early Afternoon
- B.
Taking Over The Town
- C.
Don't Stop Until You Fall Over
- D.
Always go for a Big Finish
- 6.Tamara Sheward was dubbed the 'inspiration of the nation' by the tabloid press after she did what?
- A.
Slipped a mickey into the drink of the English cricket team captain
- B.
Jogged from Brisbane to Adelaide for charity, with a shaved head, in a bikini
- C.
Gambolled nude across the field at a globally televised rugby match
- D.
Delivered beer in the nude to the Aussie troops in Afghanistan
- 7.With a razor in one hand and September’s Vogue in the other I stood at the mirror trying to calm myself down. I needed to focus for this, you only get one shot at it every few months. Less than 45 minutes later I emerged from the bathroom with eyebrows exactly like Keanu Reeves’s.That was the moment it began — the vanity. (from 'The Greatest Love Of All', Richard Berry)Which of the following vanity lows has Richard not indulged in?
- A.
Fake tan
- B.
Smoking
- C.
Waxing
- D.
Using moisturisers made from mare's placenta
- 8.TV does strange things to people. Maybe it was all the lights and excitement, maybe the mini-bar after. But the night I went on TV I made love to my shirt.(from 'Laundry', Tug Dumbly)What was Tug doing on TV?
- A.
Competing in Red Faces on Hey Hey it's Saturday
- B.
A first and last appearance on Young Talent Time
- C.
Called down from the audience for The Price is Right
- D.
Auditioning for Master Chef
- 9.In 1994, I was playing in the greatest Brisbane band that ever wasn’t, the rock/funk/flute/ballad hybrid Feeble’s Junky. I was long-haired, living alone and incredibly unemployed.(from 'Confessions From The Graveyard Shift', Andrew G)Where did Andrew manage to find work?
- A.
An abbatoir, where he was required to slaughter pigs
- B.
A hospital, where he had to clean the morgue
- C.
A convenience store, where he had to clean the toilets
- D.
A radio station, where he survived the long hours with masturbation
- 10.What happened when Julia Wilson went to retrieve a sex tape she'd made with a guy she'd been sleeping with for years?
- A.
She discovered it was already on the net
- B.
She 'slipped' and instead found herself filming another one
- C.
She found he'd remastered the sound and it was now overlaid with sonorous Gregorian chants
- D.
She found his collection of other sex tapes
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