Would You Look Silly In Sicily?

1. It's 45 Celsius in the city. You wear:

Male: a suffocating suit, brogues, thick socks. Female: dress & jacket, tights, gloves, court shoes, hat.

Male: cotton bermudas, matching designer t-shirt, Italian sandals. Female: sundress and sandals.

2. You are invited to a wedding at 4.30 pm. You wear:

Male: smartest suit, designed for the season.Female: long, elegant dress, heels, expensive jewellery.

Male: morning suit and top hat.Female: smart but cool summer dress.

3. There is no one about as it's siesta time. You decide to take the rubbish bags a few yards down the road to the communal bin. You wear:

Male: smart casual.Female: smart dress, heels, good jewellery.

Male and female: any old thing.

5. Are your legs and feet ready for the beach?

Male: Yes, my legs are toned, muscular and tanned and my feet are pretty. Female: Yes, my legs have been waxed, have a natural or fake tan and I've had a pedicure.

Male and female: What's wrong with my white, hairy legs and smelly feet?!

6. What is your beach attire?

Male: Armani trunks and my gorgeous, oiled body.Female: thong bikini and a pareo for later.

Male and female: my normal clothes with a hanky to cover my head.

7. What will you take to the beach to sit on?

Male and female: a bloody awkward, British deckchair.

Male and female: a little wooden chair.

8. And to pack your towel, suncream, summer reading, etc?

Male & female: some old carrier bag.

Male and female: the latest designer beachbag.

9. How many times would you expect to change your clothes on a Sicilian summer day?

Male and female: 4 - 5 times.

Male and female: well, maybe if I go to the beach.

10. Time for the passeggiata, when you walk up and down to see people and be seen. What do you wear?

Male and female: some creased old thing from the bottom of my suitcase.

Male and female: my very latest Italian fashion find, with fabulous shoes and loads of jewellery.