The Online Game Of Life

Go to the bank and file for a loan

Complete a FAFSA form

Save a minimum of 20% as a down payment on tuition costs to be eligible for financial aid

Obtain a written authorization from the university to begin the application process

Low, fixed interest rates

Income-based repayment plans

Deferment options

Loan Forgiveness

All of the above

None of the above

Winchester loans, Westlake loans

Alternating Flex loans, fixed Flex loans

Subsidized Stafford loans, unsubsidized Stafford loans

Capitalized loans, recapitalized loans

My class schedule

My eBill

My email

Additional degress services

All of the above

$4.29 (rather expensive)

$6.18 (very expensive)

$8.11 (unbelievably expensive)

$12.92 (where did Russell go for coffee? France?)

$36,411 if he has Excellent credit (3.5% interest) $51,957 if he has Average credit - (6% interest)$70,474 if he has Poor credit - (12% interest) plus two years of appearing on tv commercials for credit report companies as an example of what could happen if your credit report is poor.

$46,125 if he has Excellent credit (3.5% interest)$53,795 if he has Average credit - (6% interest)$62,841 if he has Poor credit - (12% interest) plus the requirement of writing on the chalkboard "I will not mess up my credit report anymore, I will not mess up my credit report any more, I will not mess up my credit report anymore,,," 1,000 times

$10,111 if he has Excellent credit (3.5% interest)$12,817 if he has Average credit - (6% interest)$14,093 if he has Poor credit - (12% interest) plus a required visit to bankruptcy court as a 'scared-straight' tactic

$16,111 if he has Excellent credit (3.5% interest)$21,835 if he has Average credit - (6% interest)$40,694 if he has Poor credit - (12% interest)

He won't be able to get any credit on his own if he marries Madonna and everyone finds out how bad her credit record is.

Option 1 - $23,000 subsidized Stafford Direct Loans$8,000 unsubsidized Stafford Direct Loan making no interest payment while in school $30,000 Private Education Loan for a borrower with average credit with a 180 month repayment TOTAL COST: $100,901

Option 2 -$31,000 unsubsidized Stafford Direct Loan making no interest payment while in school $30,000 Private Education Loan for a borrower with poor credit with a 300 month repayment TOTAL COST: $201,883

Elvis is so confused about money and financial aid that he tosses a coin and calls heads.

Elvis realizes that no one actually knows how much loans really cost and needs to contact someone in Financial Aid to figure it out for him.

Have a good cry and then plead for tuition mercy.

Tell his employer that the tuition remission benefit program at the company is all messed up and that they should fix it - starting with him.

Since Elvis will be eligible for tuition remission from his employer, he should contact student Financial Services to enroll in the Employer Assisted Tuition Deferred Payment Plan.

Put an ad on Craig's List that he will tattoo his biceps with the name of any person who would be willing to pay for his tuition.

SOLUTION 1: Large wedding – no financial return, but one heck of a party until Uncle Zeppo leads the Conga line outside and the entire bridal party gets arrested for blocking traffic.

SOLUTION 2 : Pay off college loans Based on current unsubsidized loan interest rate of 4.5%, Kelly will make $24,872.40 in principal and interest payments over the life of the loan. With the loan paid off, Kelly and Regis will need to rent an apartment. Kelly could take the amount she would have paid in monthly payments of $207 per month and use that toward rent. A 2 bedroom apartment in their South Philadelphia neighborhood will cost $800 per month.At the end of 10 years Kelly and Regis will have paid $96,000 in rent. With all the rent that Kelly and Regis have paid, their landlord will have paid off his mortgage on the property they are renting and he will increase their rent so that he can buy a yacht next.

SOUTION 3: Make a down payment on a starter house Kelly and Regis can purchase a small row house in their South Philadelphia neighborhood for $125,000. They believe they can save an additional $5000 before making a purchase – a 20% down payment and their excellent credit score will give them a 30 year fixed mortgage at 4.75% - a monthly payment of $521.65. Kelly will pay $207 per month on her student loan to pay off the loan in 10 years.  Kelly and Regis will be able to deduct student loan and mortgage interest on their income taxes. At the end of 10 years, Kelly and Regis will have paid $87,438 in mortgage and student loan payments. Kelly’s loan will be paid in full and they will have equity in their own home. They decide to have a megahuge party to celebrate and they make a bonfire in the backyard with Kelly's loan documents.

Regis tells Kelly that student loans are never completely paid off. So, she decides to pay for a small wedding, make a down payment on a condo, and default on the loan.

Madonna should use her recovery time to write a tell-all autobiography that could be made into a made-for-TV movie. She could use the money she gets for the book to pay for her tuition,medical bills, and a spectacular vacation home in Fiji.

Madonna should quit college and reapply to begin again when she is well. While she is out of college, she could move to another state, change her name, and dye her hair pink so that no one will know who she is and she won't have to pay back her loans.

Madonna should apply for a leave of absence for 6 months and notify her lenders. Since she is not enrolled at least half time, she isn't eligible for in-school deferment. However, she could be eligible for forbearance due to her medical condition.

Madonna should try to keep up with her classes while she is recovering because any disruption in her studies will completely mess up her financial aid, her student status, and position for class registration.

Cher should throw out any papers that receive poor grades because, philosophically, there is no proof that there is actually a reality.

Cher should be 'philosophical' about the meaning of bad grades in her life. When the teacher sees how philsophical she is, he will change her grades to B's or better.

Cher should contact the instructor and sets up a meeting to get feedback on her work and suggestions for improvement.

Cher should contact the department head to complain that the instructor is unfair in his grading practices and that her grades should be raised.

Oprah calls up the cast of Glee and tells them about her dilemma. They break into song and serenade her with ballads until she feels ready to buckle down and study.

Oprah should use DegreeWorks to see what courses she must still take and work with her advisor to figure out a schedule of classes for each term that gives her balance in her life.

Oprah decides that her study environment is really the source of the problem. She decides to study in the clothing department of her local department store so that she doesn't feel that she is missing out on shopping with all of the studying that she is doing.

Oprah needs to negotiate with her professors for assignments. She thinks that the professors have no idea how much work students have to do in all of their classes and should reduce the work-load on request.

Bono decides to take classes online and hires Lady Gaga to be a special courier who will bring him his assignments when he does not have an internet connection.

Bono contacts the Financial Aid office to find out about military benefits/financial aid options and contacts an academic advisor to discuss logistics of online learning.

Bono enrolls in the University of Bosnia and hopes the credits will transfer state-side when he does.

Bono should just wait until his deployment is over and then begin college when he can give it his full effort.

Snooki should contact Steven Tyler who will console her and offer her a judging job on American Idol.

Snooki should contact her advisor to discuss options including independent study options.

Snooki should spend the summer on the boardwalk in Atlantic City selling salt water taffy since she won't be able to graduate until next year.

Snooki should ask the department to allow her to take alternate courses to complete her degree since they will not offer the courses when she needs them.

Snooki should contact the Financial Aid office to find out about financial aid options and processes.

Snooki should contact the Judge Judy show to recover the money her husband took from their bank accounts and embarrass him on television.

Snooki should let The Situation handle things for her.

Snooki should take advantage of the fact that Drexel University has a law school and hire a law student to help her with her scoundrel of an ex-husband.

Tarzan should come to campus, take the tests in person, and make sure his teachers can see him cough and sneeze all over his papers.

Tarzan should contact his acadmic advisor for help in contacting his professors about his situation.

Tarzan should have his kids call his teachers and explain that Daddy is too sick to do his homework and that they would write a note for Daddy to take to school.

Tarzan should take the exams online as planned but ask the teacher for extra credit options if he gets a low score.

Tarzan should immediately enroll and let the chips fall where they may.

Tarzan should audit the classes and just hang back while others take the exams and submit papers.

Tarzan should contact his academic advisor to discuss whether it would be possible for him to be successful in getting caught up in time or whether he should wait until the next term.

Gaga should just show up to graduation and tell them to give her a diploma.

Gaga should buy a cap and gown online and conduct her own private graduation ceremony.

Gaga needs to check the Drexel website that provides information and instructions about graduation - http://drexel.edu/src/academics/graduation/ Congratulations, Gaga!

Gaga should skip graduation.