What Type Of Grandma Are You?
Are you snarky and sassy? Do you live under a rock? In a mansion? Are you the stereotypical grandmother? The one who gets 95% of their info from tabloids and New York Times? ? ?
- 1.What is your future house decorated like?
- A.
Oh, the moss on the walls? It came with the house for free, I just added the vines and mold. The dripping water from the ceiling you say? How did you think I stayed hydrated? No, those are most certainly NOT fish bones in the corner.. *Silver fish scales wink in the damp darkness*
- B.
White. White and black with a hint of geometric patterns. The clean edges will bedazzle my guests!
- C.
And why does this matter..?
- D.
Soothing brown tones. My tabloid says they're calm inducing...
- E.
House? Apartment! Pinks, blues, greens, anything bright! Preferably something to mach the numerous amounts of pop culture posters hanging in my banged-up apartment in London.
- 2.True or false: You probably have cookies baking somewhere!
- A.
True -- my new Cookie-O-Matic 2000 bakes all types of cookies!!
- B.
True, the teensie little ones with the rainbow sprinkles and candy bows...
- C.
False. I don't bake. I give the hobos a run for their money. No baking, but I probably have some rotting in my damp cellar...
- D.
Of course!!! Hot, warm, gooey! Right out of the oven!
- E.
Fine. Whatever. I just got them out of the microwave. That's baking. Gosh, why do people expect so much of us?
- 3.What do you want and have as far as pets?
- A.
Pets... Ugh, too much hair and work...
- B.
No pets for me! My family is enough!
- C.
Snakes -- I hear they're very new -- cold blood, smell sensitive tongues, and I just found a new self-heating rock for it!
- D.
No pets. Unless you count the cows in the back room, the fish in the bathtub, and the frogs in the sink, but those are all for consumption.
- E.
Lizards are all the rage lately! Cats are very chic, too, though... I'll ask my hair dresser next Wednesday..
- 4.What do you think of children and grandchildren?
- A.
Oh the absolute best! With their little chubby cheeks and big eyes..... *8 hours later* And the adorable way they spit up!
- B.
What are these children you speaketh of? Food?
- C.
Of course. It's manditory -- it's in the Grandma's Guide To All Things Grandma.
- D.
As long as they don't ruin my white leather couches with built in massages....
- E.
Pah! All my children are adopted, but they're all cuties, the whole lot of them!
- 5.How often do you see all your family and friends?
- A.
Well, I FaceTime them all every week and iMessage them most of the time...
- B.
Oh we all get together on Saturdays for dinner and Sundays for church! We're very well connected!
- C.
Near to never. I live under a social rock. And also a literal one...
- D.
I'm with them every chance, otherwise Edna will start gossiping again...
- E.
Every week! We go skydiving every Sunday and surfing every other Friday night...
- 6.I'm sorry to ask this, but how was the quiz?
- A.
Oh very nice dearie!!
- B.
Gosh I can't wait for this to be over...
- C.
It was almost as fun as chewing on my dead husband's wedding ring! MY PRECIOUS. The ring, obviously.
- D.
Oh I love online quizzes!!!
- E.
It was okay..
- 7.A EVIL MAN AMBUSHES YOU ON THE DARK STREETS OF NEW YORK. WHAT DO YOU DO?
- A.
I LEAP AT HIS FACE AND CLAW HIS EYES OUT WITH MY FIVE INCH DAGGER NAILS!!!
- B.
My new and improved pepperspray meant for bears ought to do the trick!
- C.
What an idiot! Kick him in the groin and walk over his crumpled body, lying prone on the pavement. He had it coming.
- D.
I swing my alligator hide purse at his face and permanently bash his nose in!
- E.
What a ruffian! If I offer to give him my famous roast ham will he go away?
- 8."George" from the phone company calls and asks for you to give him your credit card number because something went funny with your account and he needs you to pay some money to fix it, what do you do?
- A.
I guess I'll give it to him, but he better not be lying.
- B.
No, my iPhone marked this as a scam! I'll report it in the Verizon comments immediately!
- C.
I got rid of my phone a long time ago. Moss, fish, and vines, what more do you need?
- D.
Oh well my Jitterbug is acting funny, I'm not sure, I think it's a scam!
- E.
Of course! Whatever he needs to do!
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