Are You A Badass Malaysian Driver?

1. When you want to change lanes and have checked your side view mirror to see that it is safe to do so, do you then:

Use your turn signal light and proceed to slide into the next lane.

Look again, because there might be a motorbike white-lining in your blind spot. Using the turn signal light is optional.

Look again and turn your head to glance behind, because there are f***king motorbikes EVERYWHERE! What’s a turn signal light?

2. When you approach a traffic light and it turns yellow, do you:

Slow down and get ready to stop.

Go faster because you know you can make it before it turns red.

Push the pedal to the metal because that few seconds after it turns red is still a “go”.

3. When you approach a toll, do you:

Determine your lane – cash, Touch n’ Go or SmartTAG - early and make your way to the correct lane slowly and SAFELY.

Wait until you are near the toll and then cut across lanes sharply because you like to keep other drivers on their toes.

Go to any lane that you so desire, and then realise that you don’t have enough cash, forgotten to reload your Touch n’ Go or don’t own a SmartTAG in the first place.

4. When a vehicle from another lane cuts in suddenly in front of you. You:

Can't slow down in time and crash into the rear of the invading vehicle.

Honk your horn and slam the brakes, slowing down enough to barely avoid a collision. Once you realise that disaster had been prevented, you then continue to honk your horn and make rude gestures while shouting obscenities at the other driver.

Apply the brakes before the car had started to swerve because you had a sixth sense about it. All is well.

5. When you are stuck in a traffic jam and are late for an appointment, do you:

Remain calm because you had accounted for bad traffic and had started your journey early.

Arrive late and use the “traffic jam” excuse.

Honk your horn, even though it doesn’t make traffic move faster, followed by arriving late and using the "traffic jam" excuse.

6. If you cannot find a parking spot, do you:

Creepily tail people as they walk to their cars, so that you can claim the spot that they vacate.

Park further away and walk.

Double park. The space parallel to parked cars IS a parking spot…the lines are just invisible.

7. You are in the middle lane, and the car in front of you is hogging the road. Do you*:*keep in mind that Malaysians drive on the left side of the road, in case you are not familiar with our road rules but are planning to visit this country that has wonderful people but mad drivers. Thus, the furthest right lane is the fastest.

Overtake on the right.

Keep calm and slow down to match the speed of the car in front.

Overtake on the left or right, whichever makes you happy.

8. When you receive a traffic summons (or as we call it, SAMAN), do you:

Pay it off immediately and feel SO SORRY for committing the offence.

Collect them all until JPJ or the various municipal councils which issued the summons run a “Pay your Summons!” campaign, offering discounts on unpaid summonses.

Ignore them all because there are no repercussions…until you need to renew your driving license.