Wonder How You Can Make Friends Abroad?

1. You organized the last get-together, now it's up to your friend to initiate a new one.

True

False

We all have great things to give to our friendships; some of us are better in initiation and planning, others are very good in adding humor, a touch of philosophy or lightness to a get-together evening. Mutuality is important but it shouldn't be 50/50 in each task. Look at the overall contribution of your friends to the relationship you have.

Explanation

We all have great things to give to our friendships; some of us are better in initiation and planning, others are very good in adding humor, a touch of philosophy or lightness to a get-together evening. Mutuality is important but it shouldn't be 50/50 in each task. Look at the overall contribution of your friends to the relationship you have.

2. Saying out loud "I need friends" would mean that you are a lonely being who has some social connection problems. (It even makes you think of an angry, hurt, unfriendly, socially awkward, unlovable woman living alone with 10 cats!)

True

False

We don't like picturing ourselves as needing friends. Instead, our egos constantly remind us how likable we are, how friendly and fun we can be. Loneliness = unlikability, at least that's what we think. But even the most funny, busy, handsome, important, wealthy, social, outgoing and loved among us feel lonely. More often than you ever can imagine. Confessing that we need friends frightens us because this could mean that "People don't like me" or "I don't have friends". We don't want to risk taking it personally - making ourselves feel worse, thinking that it is our fault that we are in this situation. But there should be no shame attached to the fact that life changes, like moving abroad, will inspire us to connect with different people, in different ways, at different times. Needing new friends is normal.

Explanation

We don't like picturing ourselves as needing friends. Instead, our egos constantly remind us how likable we are, how friendly and fun we can be. Loneliness = unlikability, at least that's what we think. But even the most funny, busy, handsome, important, wealthy, social, outgoing and loved among us feel lonely. More often than you ever can imagine. Confessing that we need friends frightens us because this could mean that "People don't like me" or "I don't have friends". We don't want to risk taking it personally - making ourselves feel worse, thinking that it is our fault that we are in this situation. But there should be no shame attached to the fact that life changes, like moving abroad, will inspire us to connect with different people, in different ways, at different times. Needing new friends is normal.

3. When you arrive in your new country, you are convinced that it is just a matter of finding the "right" person to be your friend; that friendships will just happen to you.

True

False

We're tempted to believe that friendships just happen because we have memories of friendships that felt automatic, easy, natural and authentic in our childhood. And it is possible that you've met a person with whom you've experienced great chemistry from the very first moment. But most of the time, a good friendship is about spending time regularly together while increasing the level of intimacy, closeness and vulnerability with somebody. Friendships don't just happen.

(source:Shasta Nelson)

Explanation

We're tempted to believe that friendships just happen because we have memories of friendships that felt automatic, easy, natural and authentic in our childhood. And it is possible that you've met a person with whom you've experienced great chemistry from the very first moment. But most of the time, a good friendship is about spending time regularly together while increasing the level of intimacy, closeness and vulnerability with somebody. Friendships don't just happen.

(source:Shasta Nelson)

4. Investing time with strangers or new friends abroad are as meaningful as spending time with the friends you left back in your home country.

True

False

Life changes when you go and live abroad. You enter a new life stage and this event may create a shift in your previous friendships as the frequency and availability to meet each other decreases. The stranger you meet in your new country today can become a good friend within a couple of months. And as studies (ref. Shasta Nelson) prove that we lose half of our close friends approx. every seven years, opening our minds to and investing time in making friends is something that should be ongoing in life; it's not just a one-time to do event. We are called to a lifetime of friend making. Go ahead, talk to this stranger, he/she might become a good friend in your new life abroad!

Explanation

Life changes when you go and live abroad. You enter a new life stage and this event may create a shift in your previous friendships as the frequency and availability to meet each other decreases. The stranger you meet in your new country today can become a good friend within a couple of months. And as studies (ref. Shasta Nelson) prove that we lose half of our close friends approx. every seven years, opening our minds to and investing time in making friends is something that should be ongoing in life; it's not just a one-time to do event. We are called to a lifetime of friend making. Go ahead, talk to this stranger, he/she might become a good friend in your new life abroad!

5. Potential friends are mostly those with whom you obviously have something in common, feel "chemistry" from the very beginning or directly have meaningful conversations with.

True

False

When we meet somebody for the 1st time, often both people feel insecure expressing themselves. The contact feels awkward, as the level of intimacy is still very low. At that moment, we cannot know who that person really is and what he/she has to offer. At that moment, it's only 2 people meeting each other and so it's normal not to feel like best friends yet. Having something in common can be a starting point but isn't an absolute must to create a future friendship.

Explanation

When we meet somebody for the 1st time, often both people feel insecure expressing themselves. The contact feels awkward, as the level of intimacy is still very low. At that moment, we cannot know who that person really is and what he/she has to offer. At that moment, it's only 2 people meeting each other and so it's normal not to feel like best friends yet. Having something in common can be a starting point but isn't an absolute must to create a future friendship.