How Strong Are Your Relationship Skills?

10 Questions | Total Attempts: 10476

How Strong Are Your Relationship Skills? - Quiz

Are you a good candidate for dating, or being in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender? How well do you handle relationships?


You May Get

Insecure, emotional & turbulent

I hate to break it to you, if you're not already aware (which you probably aren't, but that seems impossible...): you are too insecure overall when in a relationship with another person. You have a hard time trusting whoever you're involved with, even if you have no real proof that you should doubt them. You want to believe and dive in head over heels, but you find yourself unable to actually make the jump off that extra high-dive. You carry your scars from past relationships in which you were hurt by someone with you into new ones, which is both unfair and basically guarantees faillure. You need to work on letting go of the betrayals that are in the past, giving those you become involved with in the future a chance to have a successful relationship with you. You have probably held back, passed up and missed out on one or more potential partners that would have been compatible for you, because of your insecurity and the fact that you tend to be highly sensitive and a little too emotion-based at times. It's good to follow your heart, but you have to find a balance between listening to both your heart AND your brain. Because you are volatile emotionally, struggles and problems with partners likely persist and it may seem like you enjoy very little gaps of time in which things go smoothly, with very frequent patterns of issues which take up longer spans of time between these. Relax, put extra concentrated effort into giving new people the benefit of the doubt until you have a reason to suspect them of being deceitful, and remind yourself that it is OKAY if everything seems to be going well, drama is not necessary for the sake of having drama. 

Introverted, self-absorbed & stuck in victim-mode

You are probably fairly timid overall, though you likely have a rather great capacity for anger and resentment if pushed in their direction long enough by any one person. You are probably pretty level-headed most of the time, and your anger is usually targeted towards those who have done legitimate wrongs to you, and repeated them enough that most people around you would agree that your negative feelings are reasonable. You are pretty emotion-based, but you have a strong sense of logic and use your brain when evaluating things as well. More than likely, your biggest struggle in relationships is your self-centeredness, which you are probably not aware of. You have a hard time seeing the duality of a problem you encounter with a partner you're in a relationship with. You tend to focus on what your partner has done wrong or are more keen to their shortcomings than you are to realize how much your own actions have contributed to a problem. Because of this it is easy for you to slip into victim-mode, which makes it even more difficult to make a fair judgement of your own actions and how responsible you are for the problems you have with your partner. Feeling like you are the victim of someone you are in a relationship with leads to resentment quickly, and that will create the obstacle of growing apart from someone. Oftentimes you may find yourself closing yourself off to a partner who you feel has made you a victim by their actions (or lack thereof) and this can mean growing apart from someone and never being able to reverse the loss in closeness. A helpful approach for you to try would be stepping outside of yourself and viewing your partner's actions with the assumption that they are all reactions to outside forces, and realizing that the things that you do (or don't do) are among those. Try to walk in their shoes, see where they are coming from and how much they could be acting in response to whatever you're putting out from your end. Keep an open-mind. Always try to communicate with someone when they upset you somehow first, rather than immediately becoming bitter and shutting off to them. This always has a better chance, and will either produce more desirable results or help you realize that you will not be happy staying with someone much sooner than you would figure this out otherwise.

Conflict-avoident, unconcerned & one-dimensional

You like simple relationships with people. From friends, to lovers to anyone you are involved with in any way. This does not mean you are a simple person, but that you avoid dramatic scenes whenever possible and feel little concern for others or the feelings of others, mostly because you try your best to ensure you won't end up in any situation where much concern is necessary. Although there is nothing really wrong with this, it is important that you are honest about your wants and needs, expectations, and your ultimate goals. You run into the most problems when you are dishonest with those you become involved with, letting them believe that your relationship with them is headed in a direction that you do not truly have any interest in or even going as far as leading them to believe this, or things similar to this. You won't have much success if you go this route, because it is merely buying yourself time before you will inevitably be forced to sort out the issues that will occur once your insenserity becomes apparent to your partner. It is very likely that you are most comfortable in one-dimensional relationships, those that require the least comittment and investment of any sort. You may be very kind, fun to spend time with, probably seem down-to-earth and relaxed, because you probably are. But if you become involved with someone in any type of relationship, it tends to be because that person satisfies a single desire/need rather than several at once. There's a good chance you have one best friend that's been in that role for a long time, and one family member you know better than the rest because you connect on some level with them best and always have, one role model that you held in esteem for your own reasons. For the most part, you don't really spread any particular kind of your attention out over several different people. You like the concept of finding someone that takes care of you in some way, that feels you do the same for them, and if you are both happy in the end, you do not look elsewhere for another to do for you what is already being done well enough to your liking. Best thing to keep in your mind at all times is there is nothing about your approach to relationships that you should feel ashamed of, so there is no reason to hide or be in denial of it. Be honest with yourself, and with those around you. Remember that even if you prefer to keep things uncomplicated and stick to the surface (you have probably been called 'shallow' at some point, by others who know you) that many people seeking a relationship do NOT share your viewpoint and require something much different. Don't try and force yourself to feel deeply for someone if it doesn't come naturally. It won't happen. Just do your best to have basic respect for everyone as a person, and honor that by making sure that those you involve yourself with are aware of things and are accepting of you before you make any moves.

Co-dependent, disfunctional & abused

You probably have a long history of relationships involving abuse, whether you were the target or the abuser, or the abusive behaviors were mutual. You don't go very long in between relationships, because you're likely terrified of being alone and without someone, even if your partner is hurting you or you know that you're hurting each other. Depending on how long you've repeated this pattern, you may even be so aware that a relationship is unhealthy that despite whatever negative effects you have on one another, you still prefer to remain in a relationship. Any outside observations, from friends or acquaintences or concerns from your family are either heard and taken to heart, but not heeded or discounted and cause you to become defensive, even perhaps go as far as cutting off communication with someone you know if they continue to point out how harmful your relationship is to you, your partner, or both. You become way too comfortable being with someone that you are not happy with the majority of the time. For the bad to outweigh the good seems normal to you. Whether you realize this or not, your idea of what a relationship is and how people are treated within them is highly disfunctional and you don't remain with someone abusive because you want to. You do it because you have nothing to compare it to. If you were to take a step back and really look at each of your relationships with others, you would see very similar pictures formed by each and every one of them, with only very mild variations from one to another. You are afraid of being alone because you never have been, not because there is anything real to fear. You can't know this until you take a step in the direction of independence, because whoever you have been with at a given time has taken on the responsibilities and duties and provided for you in the areas in which you are weakest, and you have done exactly the same for them. In all liklihood, your weaknesses are the strengths you look for when seeking your partners who then make up for them once you are together. The same goes for anyone that ends up with you. Their weaknesses are your strengths, the things that you are naturally good at providing and supplying and they seek you to pick up their slack as well. You and anyone you become involved with are codependent. In a healthy relationship, dividing up the necessary tasks and responsibilites between partners in a fair and balanced way is normal, necessary and positive. The key to this is that both partners in a healthy relationship are entirely capable of fufilling ALL the necessary aspects that they work at doing together as a team. They have both been alone prior to being together, and during that time they took on eveything on their own that they then take on together. If they were to separate, they would resume in a way similar to how they were when they crossed paths. They do not need each other to make up for their own inadequecies, but rather they compliment and strengthen one another by working together for as long as they both maintain a certain level of equality and happiness. The difference for you and your partners is that neither of you have ever actually been responsible for those things which you find better handled by another. You lack the experience and skills necessary to function without your "other half" to take over when something has to be done which takes you outside your comfort zone. Your biggest concern should be working on yourself. It will be incredibly difficult to take the first step towards this, but after that it will become easier and easier. Ending this kind of relationship and preventing yourself from using others as a crutch in the future is like quitting a powerful drug. It can be done, but it will take a lot of work and you absolutely have to be ready.

Easy-going, realistic & self-aware

You have your fair share of problems when it comes to your relationships with others, just like anyone else. However, yours are more often caused by your partners than motivated or perpetuated by yourself. You have the upper hand in most cases, due to the fact that you find it incredibly easy to let go of petty things, disagreements, the smaller issues that matter less in the bigger picture. If you are in a relationship with someone, you probably feel strongly enough for them that you are unwilling to allow an issue to interfere with that, unless you deem the problem serious enough to make qualms about it. This doesn't necessarily mean that you are less likely to be affected emotionally by something a partner does, it just means you probably handle those matters very differently than other personality types. You have a very strong balance of using both your heart and brain when it comes to just about everything. You see both sides of an arguement in most cases, and can usually find some sort of sympathy for both even when you don't agree with a particular side. It's safe to assume that you are highly compassionate, which you will find among your most useful qualities when your in a relationship. You are not idealistic, and may even be somewhat or greatly cynical from your past experiences, even a little hardened. Although you tend to expect the worst from people most of the time, you are pretty good at giving everyone a fair chance to start out with. You are wary of becoming involved with another in a relationship, and the idea is probably something you take some time warming up to. When someone expresses interest in a relationship with you, your initial reaction may be to make yourself unavailable and express disinterest. This isn't because you prefer to be alone or univolved with others or because you are mean-spirited and unfriendly, but more probably because you find discomfort in the empirical patterns you have examined from your past, and what you have seen others do similarly. Any adversity or disinterest that you have is actually in failing with someone else the way you have failed with a past partner, or even multiple parters from the past. You're not a pessimist. You're a realist. Because you are pretty self-aware, you know once you do make a decisive action that is heading into a relationship, that there is no turning back for you. It's important to you that before doing this, you feel sure of yourself although you have a fair amount of difficulty making up your mind and achieving that confidence. More often than not, you will go for it rather than pass it up. You will encounter most of your relationship problems because you are unlikely to pair up with another person that shares your personality type and who exhibits similar traits. You may be less likely to be attracted to someone who fits within the same type, and those that fall almost completely into a different grouping are pretty likely to clash with you at some point, and you will probably find it hard to find a compromise that works for both parties. Don't allow anything that you think or believe discourage you from knowing others or experiencing more, with more parters. Don't forget that the success of a relationship should not be measured by how long it lasts or the terms on which it ends. You probably don't even feel in your heart that those things matter much, at the end of the day.
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Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    When you meet someone and have a good time with them, have you formed a strong opinion about them after meeting them that first time?
    • A. 

      Yes, if I really click with someone initially I am very intrigued and like them enough that they stay on my mind until I contact them again

    • B. 

      I judge my opinion of someone on their first impression to an extent, but think that one meeting is too early to know for sure.

    • C. 

      Pretty much. Either I hit it off with someone or don't. If I do, I like them enough to meet again. If I don't, I move on.

    • D. 

      I don't usually meet a total stranger and decide from there. I watch from afar if I feel attracted to someone, and play cat-and-mouse briefly before getting together, so I usually have a pretty good idea beforehand that I will like them.

    • E. 

      Not really. I may enjoy someone's company when we meet, but to form a strong feeling based on one experience with them doesn't seem to make sense.

  • 2. 
    Which of the following brief statements best matches your own personal definition of what "love" means?
    • A. 

      Sacrifice for each other, compassion for all situations, and loyalty in a monogamous sense.

    • B. 

      Trying hard to always show your love for others, forgiveness, and standing your ground when you are hurt or betrayed.

    • C. 

      Building lots of good memories together, having our own priorities and respecting them, understanding our other relationships, friendships and obligations.

    • D. 

      Catching each other when either of us falls, unconditional commitment, accepting defects regardless of what they may be.

    • E. 

      Giving and expecting only what each wants to offer the other freely, picking and choosing our battles, having a true appreciation of who each of us is.

  • 3. 
    A few months into a relationship that has been going well, you come across a suspicious item in your partner's belongings. Up until this moment, you have believed and trusted their word. For the first time, you doubt their honesty. Right then, how are you feeling and what are you thinking?
    • A. 

      De-ja-vu. Very similar experiences in the past, all with the same result. I was being lied to. I assume this will be no different.

    • B. 

      Shocked, incredibly hurt and the thought of being lied to distresses me so much I struggle to process what I am seeing in disbelief.

    • C. 

      I raise an eyebrow at it for a minute, then remember that I haven't been completely upfront about everything myself, and let it go for now.

    • D. 

      Absolutely outraged. Totally betrayed and a strong desire to confront them immediately, though I want them to explain it and disprove my doubts.

    • E. 

      Disappointed at the thought of possibly being lied to, but not surprised to have found a cause for doubts, but figure I will let it play out on its own at that point.

  • 4. 
    In a serious long-term relationship with someone, an event takes place involving you and your partner and you end up very hurt by something they did, said or failed to do or say. How do you respond to this?
    • A. 

      Lash out at them, to stab them in return even though that's not really what I want to do and I always end up feeling bad for doing it later.

    • B. 

      Just react how I would normally, usually by crying and letting my emotional pain be totally visible to them, but not really talking about it.

    • C. 

      I'm not sure why I am upset by what they did, and it kind of irritates me that I am so I usually just take a short break from them to spend some time alone until I feel better, then I return.

    • D. 

      It hurts and upsets me on so many different levels, I have difficulty understanding how or why they would or could do something that hurts me so much, so I get in their face and yell a lot and refuse to let it go silently and force them to deal with it.

    • E. 

      Feeling a new distance between us form immediately, I get a heavy sense of lost friendship and show as little as possible. If I cry, I do it alone and silently, and I have begun to grow apart from them at that moment, as well as a little bitter.

  • 5. 
    Even though you care for your partner very much, if they were to give you an ultimatum after having an argument, how would you likely respond?
    • A. 

      I would make it very clear what my opinion was on their conditions, make sure I was heard, and even though I wouldn't come out and agree to their terms, I would end up going along with them to make things work.

    • B. 

      I would throw an ultimatum of my own back in their face, and I'd be just as unwilling to step down as they were.

    • C. 

      If it was reasonable, sure. If I thought it wasn't, I'd just walk right out without saying a word and move the fuck on with my life.

    • D. 

      I'd argue my side until they finally took it back, and then we'd fight until we both made promises to each other that we'd made before and broken several times already.

    • E. 

      I would kindly inform them that I do not accept ultimatums from them, or anyone else in this world who has the audacity to demand that I conform in any way for the sake of keeping them around.

  • 6. 
    Your partner comes to you unexpectedly and wants to talk to you about having an open relationship. Until now, you have been monogamous and you thought that was going well. What are your thoughts?
    • A. 

      I'm insulted at the suggestion, clearly they are seeking something from others that they are not getting from me. Totally against the idea.

    • B. 

      My head is swimming, all I can do is wonder it was that I didn't provide already, or who they thought could give it to them better than me. I'm confused and feel attacked by the mention of something like this.

    • C. 

      I never made any stipulations about multiple partners, we were monogamous without promises to be, so I am cool with whatever they want to do. Basically indifferent.

    • D. 

      I am so taken aback by hearing this, that I wonder for a moment if they are serious, and when I realize that they are, I start laughing in disbelief and throwing their things about the room, breaking and shattering whatever I can get my hands on. Fuck them.

    • E. 

      I don't really like their sudden interest in sex with people other than me, but I do sort of prefer the freedom of sex with people other than them, so I figure it will unravel to a good place for both of us.

  • 7. 
    You take your partner to meet your friends and family at a gathering. It seems to go fairly decent, and you think nothing of it. The next time you hand out with your friends, you come to find none of them liked your partner much at all, and most agreed that she was not a good choice for you. What do you do?
    • A. 

      Because they are my good friends, I reply back defending my partner but keep it short and sweet. Then I would probably make a polite exit, and hope that the topic wasn't brought up again by them in the future.

    • B. 

      Lie to them, in order to save my partner's reputation since they really don't know them well enough to judge so harshly and because it is important to me that they have a decent opinion of my partner.

    • C. 

      Get mildly annoyed that they even said anything, tell them that it really wasn't any of their business to comment on my partner and lost interest in whatever we were doing together.

    • D. 

      Get angry and defensive. My friends and I don't see each other often enough for me to side with them, and I am deeply in love with my partner. If they think badly of him, I don't consider them friends anymore.

    • E. 

      I would listen to what they had to say, and if I thought their reasons were legitimate I would do my best to explain my partner better, so they could form a more accurate opinion. If the grounds on which they claimed to dislike them were not valid, I would stand up for my partner 100%.

  • 8. 
    Let's talk boundaries: which of the following would make it impossible or most difficult for you to continue being in a relationship with someone?
    • A. 

      Being cheated on, and finding out later.

    • B. 

      Failing to be there for me for a traumatic event or time that I faced alone.

    • C. 

      Becoming dull to each other, losing interest or gaining interest in another.

    • D. 

      I don't know. I have been through so much with my partners that it's hard to say what it would take to push us apart.

    • E. 

      Being betrayed on a serious enough level, or just finding out that I was lied to about some of the things most important to me.

  • 9. 
    What do you seek most in a partner? What traits are most important to you in others? 
    • A. 

      Someone with a good heart who is not superficial and can be real with me. I have to feel confidant that I can trust them with my heart, my life, my everything.

    • B. 

      Someone that understands me and can embrace my past and the person that I am now. A person that understands why I do the things I do and has empathy.

    • C. 

      A person that comes from a similar background, who thinks like me and knows where I'm coming from on most issues. A person that likes to have fun, and likes to have it with me.

    • D. 

      Someone who can feel things as strongly as I feel them. Someone as intense in every way as myself. A person unafraid to start a fight if it should be started, but that will love me afterwards.

    • E. 

      Someone that can be completely honest with me about everything. I need to be able to share with them anything I need or want to, without any fear of being received poorly. A person that is on the same wavelength as me.

  • 10. 
    And finally, if your long-term partner died tomorrow, you would...?
    • A. 

      I'd be overcome with grief. I would spend a huge chunk of time in mourning. I'd never get over it totally, but after enough time I would find strength from knowing they would have wanted me to be okay.

    • B. 

      Be very upset and miss them horribly non-stop for a while, and once I ran out of tears I would start recovering and coming back from it, looking for someone else to befriend.

    • C. 

      I'd be very affected by the loss, and it would stay with me for quite a while. I would feel their absence as strongly as I'd felt their presence. I would continue on as always, though.

    • D. 

      I can't imagine that. Living without them is one of the worst thoughts I can fathom, not sure how I could keep living being me if they were gone. I'd probably lose my mind, finish myself off and be gone with them, or continue life feeling nothing at all.

    • E. 

      I would be deeply affected by losing someone I really loved, and it would take a good amount of time before I was ready to move on and get close to another.

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