How Strong Are Your Relationship Skills?

1. When you meet someone and have a good time with them, have you formed a strong opinion about them after meeting them that first time?

Yes, if I really click with someone initially I am very intrigued and like them enough that they stay on my mind until I contact them again

I judge my opinion of someone on their first impression to an extent, but think that one meeting is too early to know for sure.

Pretty much. Either I hit it off with someone or don't. If I do, I like them enough to meet again. If I don't, I move on.

I don't usually meet a total stranger and decide from there. I watch from afar if I feel attracted to someone, and play cat-and-mouse briefly before getting together, so I usually have a pretty good idea beforehand that I will like them.

Not really. I may enjoy someone's company when we meet, but to form a strong feeling based on one experience with them doesn't seem to make sense.

2. Which of the following brief statements best matches your own personal definition of what "love" means?

Sacrifice for each other, compassion for all situations, and loyalty in a monogamous sense.

Trying hard to always show your love for others, forgiveness, and standing your ground when you are hurt or betrayed.

Building lots of good memories together, having our own priorities and respecting them, understanding our other relationships, friendships and obligations.

Catching each other when either of us falls, unconditional commitment, accepting defects regardless of what they may be.

Giving and expecting only what each wants to offer the other freely, picking and choosing our battles, having a true appreciation of who each of us is.

3. A few months into a relationship that has been going well, you come across a suspicious item in your partner's belongings. Up until this moment, you have believed and trusted their word. For the first time, you doubt their honesty. Right then, how are you feeling and what are you thinking?

De-ja-vu. Very similar experiences in the past, all with the same result. I was being lied to. I assume this will be no different.

Shocked, incredibly hurt and the thought of being lied to distresses me so much I struggle to process what I am seeing in disbelief.

I raise an eyebrow at it for a minute, then remember that I haven't been completely upfront about everything myself, and let it go for now.

Absolutely outraged. Totally betrayed and a strong desire to confront them immediately, though I want them to explain it and disprove my doubts.

Disappointed at the thought of possibly being lied to, but not surprised to have found a cause for doubts, but figure I will let it play out on its own at that point.

4. In a serious long-term relationship with someone, an event takes place involving you and your partner and you end up very hurt by something they did, said or failed to do or say. How do you respond to this?

Lash out at them, to stab them in return even though that's not really what I want to do and I always end up feeling bad for doing it later.

Just react how I would normally, usually by crying and letting my emotional pain be totally visible to them, but not really talking about it.

I'm not sure why I am upset by what they did, and it kind of irritates me that I am so I usually just take a short break from them to spend some time alone until I feel better, then I return.

It hurts and upsets me on so many different levels, I have difficulty understanding how or why they would or could do something that hurts me so much, so I get in their face and yell a lot and refuse to let it go silently and force them to deal with it.

Feeling a new distance between us form immediately, I get a heavy sense of lost friendship and show as little as possible. If I cry, I do it alone and silently, and I have begun to grow apart from them at that moment, as well as a little bitter.

5. Even though you care for your partner very much, if they were to give you an ultimatum after having an argument, how would you likely respond?

I would make it very clear what my opinion was on their conditions, make sure I was heard, and even though I wouldn't come out and agree to their terms, I would end up going along with them to make things work.

I would throw an ultimatum of my own back in their face, and I'd be just as unwilling to step down as they were.

If it was reasonable, sure. If I thought it wasn't, I'd just walk right out without saying a word and move the fuck on with my life.

I'd argue my side until they finally took it back, and then we'd fight until we both made promises to each other that we'd made before and broken several times already.

I would kindly inform them that I do not accept ultimatums from them, or anyone else in this world who has the audacity to demand that I conform in any way for the sake of keeping them around.

6. Your partner comes to you unexpectedly and wants to talk to you about having an open relationship. Until now, you have been monogamous and you thought that was going well. What are your thoughts?

I'm insulted at the suggestion, clearly they are seeking something from others that they are not getting from me. Totally against the idea.

My head is swimming, all I can do is wonder it was that I didn't provide already, or who they thought could give it to them better than me. I'm confused and feel attacked by the mention of something like this.

I never made any stipulations about multiple partners, we were monogamous without promises to be, so I am cool with whatever they want to do. Basically indifferent.

I am so taken aback by hearing this, that I wonder for a moment if they are serious, and when I realize that they are, I start laughing in disbelief and throwing their things about the room, breaking and shattering whatever I can get my hands on. Fuck them.

I don't really like their sudden interest in sex with people other than me, but I do sort of prefer the freedom of sex with people other than them, so I figure it will unravel to a good place for both of us.

7. You take your partner to meet your friends and family at a gathering. It seems to go fairly decent, and you think nothing of it. The next time you hand out with your friends, you come to find none of them liked your partner much at all, and most agreed that she was not a good choice for you. What do you do?

Because they are my good friends, I reply back defending my partner but keep it short and sweet. Then I would probably make a polite exit, and hope that the topic wasn't brought up again by them in the future.

Lie to them, in order to save my partner's reputation since they really don't know them well enough to judge so harshly and because it is important to me that they have a decent opinion of my partner.

Get mildly annoyed that they even said anything, tell them that it really wasn't any of their business to comment on my partner and lost interest in whatever we were doing together.

Get angry and defensive. My friends and I don't see each other often enough for me to side with them, and I am deeply in love with my partner. If they think badly of him, I don't consider them friends anymore.

I would listen to what they had to say, and if I thought their reasons were legitimate I would do my best to explain my partner better, so they could form a more accurate opinion. If the grounds on which they claimed to dislike them were not valid, I would stand up for my partner 100%.

8. Let's talk boundaries: which of the following would make it impossible or most difficult for you to continue being in a relationship with someone?

Being cheated on, and finding out later.

Failing to be there for me for a traumatic event or time that I faced alone.

Becoming dull to each other, losing interest or gaining interest in another.

I don't know. I have been through so much with my partners that it's hard to say what it would take to push us apart.

Being betrayed on a serious enough level, or just finding out that I was lied to about some of the things most important to me.

9. What do you seek most in a partner? What traits are most important to you in others?

Someone with a good heart who is not superficial and can be real with me. I have to feel confidant that I can trust them with my heart, my life, my everything.

Someone that understands me and can embrace my past and the person that I am now. A person that understands why I do the things I do and has empathy.

A person that comes from a similar background, who thinks like me and knows where I'm coming from on most issues. A person that likes to have fun, and likes to have it with me.

Someone who can feel things as strongly as I feel them. Someone as intense in every way as myself. A person unafraid to start a fight if it should be started, but that will love me afterwards.

Someone that can be completely honest with me about everything. I need to be able to share with them anything I need or want to, without any fear of being received poorly. A person that is on the same wavelength as me.

10. And finally, if your long-term partner died tomorrow, you would...?

I'd be overcome with grief. I would spend a huge chunk of time in mourning. I'd never get over it totally, but after enough time I would find strength from knowing they would have wanted me to be okay.

Be very upset and miss them horribly non-stop for a while, and once I ran out of tears I would start recovering and coming back from it, looking for someone else to befriend.

I'd be very affected by the loss, and it would stay with me for quite a while. I would feel their absence as strongly as I'd felt their presence. I would continue on as always, though.

I can't imagine that. Living without them is one of the worst thoughts I can fathom, not sure how I could keep living being me if they were gone. I'd probably lose my mind, finish myself off and be gone with them, or continue life feeling nothing at all.

I would be deeply affected by losing someone I really loved, and it would take a good amount of time before I was ready to move on and get close to another.