Which Valencia Player Are You?

Dude, the only thing to do is cut your hair

You don't even have to ask: everybody is giving you hugs to cheer you up

You don't care, as long as you get paid...

It affects your play and you start to OG like crazy

You go and threaten the administration, the president and the coach

What?! You're too perfect to be treated as shit!

You don't give a damn: as long as you can still go out to nightclubs...

Nothing. You did it on purpose anyway: you have a personal record of yellow cards to reach

Everything's cool: you respect his decision and even approve of it with a lil thumbs-up

Bitchfaaaaaaaaace!

You do your puppy eyes look: nobody can resist you!

That ref is dead

Pfff, as if you could get yellow cards... The ones you get are always red.

You laugh (after all, you're a bit stupid)

You sacrifice yourself and become the club's saint

That's cool, you don't worry too much: things will get better, sooner or later

You're still gonna be paid, right?

Damn, does that mean you'll have to go?!

You ask for a rise in wages

You foresee an alternative solution for your career, just in case...

You try to get the hell out of there

Ahahaha, as if you were even playing with your club!

You refuse to go. These asses never win anything anyway.

Pffff, of course.

Shit! You thought you could have gone on holidays. Now you're gonna have to bear with that bunch of shirkers.

Seriously?! With all the shit you did these last months? Greaaaat!

Seeing how you busted a gut with your club, it's only natural

You're still waiting for the call but that's cool, dude.

You're a fucking striker, you're not supposed to be the last defender

You take your responsibilites, tackle the man, save the team and the stadium falls in love with you cause you're so cool

You give everything you've got and tackle like a madman, even if it means you'll get a red card.

You bawl out at your teammates because you couldn't stop yourself: you managed to take the ball away from him only to score an OG

Dam! You don't even know how to tackle!

You let the goalkeeper do all the work. Come off it!

You ignore the striker and pretend to believe he's offside even if you know he's not

You brought your little girl to school and got late. But that's okay, you're professional and phoned the club to tell them you were running late.

The coach better not ask why or you'll break his neck. Mind your own business!

You're not late. Your daddy, who works at the club, gave you a lift.

You just couldn't find your car keys

Dude, you were styling your hair and didn't realise it was time to leave home already

Bah, who cares? The coach would be happy if you didn't show up at all anyway.

You just wanted to take a little shower after your night out in the clubs

Cod

Anything your mama does

Anything but vegetables

Paella

Hamburgers

Dude, you love everything.

Your mama's "cuban rice"

It's normal, you're soooo sexy

You think it's funny

Well, you may be useless but at least you're handsome

Aw, they make you blush a little

You don't care, you prefer boys anyway

Dude, they're sweet and cool

Pfff, they're just after your money

You love it: everybody wants to buy you!

You ask for a transfert to l'Umbracle. Whut, it's not a football club?!

All this crap in the press about you... if you meet a journalist, he's dead

You try hard to hold onto your spot of the bench

You take this opportunity to ask your club for more money

You try to hide until it's closed

It doesn't change anything, dude: you're under contract

But you were having such a nice season! :(

Well, at least, nobody will be able to say that the team is loosing because of you

You knew it was a bad idea to actually try to train

No surprise there: it's the other jealous asshole who tackled you violently at training to take your spot on the team (it goes without saying that you did the same thing to him three months ago)

No games then? Well, this way you won't feel guilty for going out every night. Not that you were feeling guilty anyway...

Both of your feet are broken? You don't care, you ask to play anyway

That's so not cool, dude

You love it! Autographs, kisses, photos... you play the game!

You're careful. Some people may react badly to your last OG

Bastards, all of them. You can't even fucking walk to your car in peace.

You're okay but most of them make you want to run away

You play it cool, as always

You have fans?! Nah, they're just here to make fun of you

They try to talk to you but you're too shy to answer them

You listen to some very cool music and go to the beach to meet your dude buddies

You play Playstation and watch some F1

You party. What else?

You try to escape to your mama

You read and you paint. It's very efficient to relax the pressure.

You go shopping and buy awful clothes

Nothing, like the rest of the time