Bring him/her over to my house and we'll crank up some tunes and party till your problems are gone!
Get him/her some ice cream and we'll talk it out.
Prank the dumper!
Get to their house as quick as you can and make sure they're okay. Hug them until they feel like it's time to tell you their problem.
Do the reports first.
Bring a book along to the mall.