What Silent Film Are You?

7 Questions | By Towerofmabel | Last updated: Mar 21, 2022 | Total Attempts: 446

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We all love silent movies. They bring the past to life for us. They help us navigate the slippery movement between rupture and repetition endemic to historical experience. And they look good! Let's face it. . . Conrad Veidt was a fox.

Questions and Answers

1.

A stranger spills coffee on you in Starbucks and doesn't apologize. What do you do?
- A.
  
  I would run out into the snow and weep until my black eye makeup runs all over the white snow. And then I would incite a coup d'état and overthrow the neo-feudalist system that sustains their outrageous privilege.
- B.
  
  I would follow them home, memorize their address, and then hypnotize an immortal somnambulist into murdering them while they sleep. I
- C.
  
  I would just ignore it. I have better things to worry about... like building a spaceship so that I can overthrow the aristocracy on Mars.
- D.
  
  I would strangle them with my two-thumbed, six-fingered hand. I
2.

What are your politics?
- A.
  
  One-size-fits-all, universal equality suits me just fine.
- B.
  
  Effective politics require decisive leaders. Like that German guy once said (loosely paraphrasing), sometimes you gotta break the law to make the law.
- C.
  
  OK, so maybe no one's ever actually pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, but I dare you to stop me from trying!
- D.
  
  Anarchy sounds fun!
3.

What do you like to have for breakfast?
- A.
  
  Croissant au Beurre, sprinkled with the taste of victory.
- B.
  
  I'm really more of a night owl. In fact, I've been sleeping for the past 200 years. I could really go for some bratwurst, though.
- C.
  
  Creamed toast and stewed prairie chicken, what else?
- D.
  
  Stale peanuts because they taste salty, much like the tears that I shed while dreaming of revenge.
4.

How would you describe your attention span?
- A.
  
  Short and sweet!
- B.
  
  It takes at least 10 reels to understand art.
- C.
  
  Just because I'm asleep doesn't mean I'm not concentrating.
- D.
  
  I never forget a face.
5.

Are you a talented dancer?
- A.
  
  Baryshnikov once compared me favorably to a cygnet.
- B.
  
  Is a steam engine a talented heat exchanger?
- C.
  
  Yes, insofar as dance movement can be instrumentalized for military gain.
- D.
  
  The limbs I have, I wield with grace.
6.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
- A.
  
  Interplanetary capitalism.
- B.
  
  Practical jokes.
- C.
  
  When my objects of romantic obsessions overcome their deep-seated phobias.
- D.
  
  The prohibition of incest.
7.

How do you find your voice against adversity?
- A.
  
  I keep 'em laughing. Hard truths are easier to swallow in the form of a joke.
- B.
  
  I enlist others to do my bidding using mind control.
- C.
  
  With a combination of scientific invention and my dashing good looks!
- D.
  
  Talk is cheap... when you have a monopoly on legitimate violence.