Naval War: What Warship Are You?

5 Questions | By Andrew_ParadoxNY | Last updated: Mar 22, 2022 | Total Attempts: 3726

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What Warship Are You?

You May Get

YOU ARE... probably not a ship.

Sorry if that’s not the result you were hoping for. It’s possible to lead a full and healthy life without being a warship, you know. Sure, you’ll never feel the thrum of an honest-to-betsy nuclear reactor inside of you. You’ll never let slip two dozen anti-missile missiles, spending millions of dollars in a heartbeat-long burst of smoke and electricity. But maybe that’s OK. Maybe you can be a shop assistant or something.(If I were you, though, I’d take this test again.)

YOU ARE... a Russian Akula class submarine.

Your friends tell you you’re deep, sinister, difficult to fathom and absolutely deadly when crossed. They also worry about the enormous amount of radioactive material you carry with you, whether contained within the atomic warheads you secret about your person, or as fuel for the nuclear reactor that burns within your belly. You probably don’t socialise too much, comfortable as you are to sit, all alone, five hundred meters below the surface, often for months at a time. That’s just fine by you, though. You get a lot of thinking done. Much of it about which city you’re going to level next.

YOU ARE... a US Nimitz class aircraft carrier.

The world's largest warship and rare indeed, as you’re one of just ten. Yours is a mixed bag, as you’re too big to fit in most nightclubs and clothes shopping is probably a nightmare, but you can go for twenty years without refuelling, often at over thirty knots, and can effortlessly carry over a hundred aircraft if necessary. You shouldn’t feel bad for weighing in at over 100,000 long tons, as big is beautiful and all that space means you have plenty of room for a cinema, hairdresser and post office and library. Your friends think of you as a floating town, but not a town they want to make angry...

YOU ARE... a Finnish Hamina class missile boat.

You’re sleek, stylish and more than a little sneaky. Boasting the latest in surveillance technology, you can shoot planes out of the sky from 100 kilometers away, use your snazzy water jet propulsion to scoot around in shallow waters and even disappear from radar, thanks to your stealth design. Unfortunately, this means people tend to overlook you, but you’re fine with this, considering your small heat and radar signatures an asset. Unlike bigger, bulkier vessels, it takes just 26 Finnish sailors to keep you running. What’s that like, having all that crew scurrying around inside you? Is it distracting? Itchy? Of course, being a Hamina class, we’re sure you’re discreet with your answers.

Questions and Answers

1.

A friend invites you to a party! Not wanting to show up empty-handed, which of the following do you bring?
- A.
  
  A plate of delicious cold cuts.
- B.
  
  A six-pack of beer.
- C.
  
  An intriguing selection of ballistic missiles.
- D.
  
  Close to a hundred fixed wing and rotary wing aircraft.
- E.
  
  I bring the latest in surveillance technology and listen in on the party from 200km away while viewing the house on a TRS-3D/16-ES multimode acquisition 3D radar.
2.

You are walking in a park and find a wallet on the ground. What do you do? I...
- A.
  
  Approach a nearby lake, submerge myself beneath the surface and remain perfectly still and undetected for almost 100 days
- B.
  
  DISPATCH THE PLANES!
- C.
  
  Check the wallet for money.
- D.
  
  Take the wallet to a police station
- E.
  
  Approach it and lay a couple of mines.
3.

What do you consider your greatest asset?
- A.
  
  My looks.
- B.
  
  My ability to make almost no noise.
- C.
  
  My positive outlook.
- D.
  
  DISPATCH THE PLANES. Wait, what was the question?
- E.
  
  My ability to move using only thunderously powerful jets of water.
4.

You arrive at a popular restaurant, but the maître d' tells you they're fully booked. Do you...
- A.
  
  Shrug. Who needs that overpriced food, anyway?
- B.
  
  DISPATCH THE PLANES, erasing the restaurant from the face of the Earth with a quick tactical strike.
- C.
  
  Launch an SS-N-15 Starfish cruise missile, flattening the restaurant with a 100 kiloton nuclear detonation.
- D.
  
  Slip secretly into the back of the restaurant, making full use of your radar-absorbent hull, before shattering everything in the kitchen with a single round from your 57mm gun.
- E.
  
  Come back another night.
5.

What did Francis Scott Key do for a living?
- A.
  
  Soldier
- B.
  
  Merchant
- C.
  
  Minister