Which Ugly Bug Should Be Your Mascot?

1. Why did you leave your last job?

I was laid off.

I was fired “for cause.” It reminds me of my mother saying I had to do something “Just because.”

I hit my boss.

There were unsolved murders of three of my co-workers.

2. Do you feel that good-looking people get all the breaks?

I hadn’t really thought about it.

Yes.

Of course.

They used to make fun of me, but soon they learned better.

3. How do you usually respond when confronted?

I put on a mean face and hold my breath so I turn red and seem angrier.

I threaten loudly.

I get very close, then slowly and softly describe the pain I will inflict.

I kill.

4. Who is the scariest movie character ever?

The wizard from The Wizard of Oz.

Freddy Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street.

Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

Hannibal Lector from Silence of the Lambs.

5. In what field are you most experienced?

I do my best work in fields with a lot of underbrush.

I roam the fields of North Queensland, Australia.

I’m quite proficient in fields with plenty of flowers.

Not fields. I work best in trees.

6. What do you think most people say about you?

I think I’m pretty well liked, but people tend to push me around.

People are generally intimidated by me.

I’m very easy to get along with as long as people see things my way.

People may say bad things about me … once.

7. Do you have a skill that you're proud of?

I can tell a good joke.

I can carry a tune.

I am extremely patient.

I do not suffer fools. Yes, that is a skill. I warn you, don’t start with me!

8. Would you say that you have learned from your mistakes?

Most assuredly.

Probably. I get better every day.

Mistakes?

I teach; other people learn.

9. Would you say that you have any prejudices?

No. I pretty much take people as they are.

I guess it’s just people who infringe on my personal space.

Bees.

I have a deep disdain for people from all walks of life.

10. When was the last time you cried?

During Beaches.

Every time I hear “Waltzing Matilda.”

I have no tear ducts, Einstein.

That’s a good question. Come closer to me for a second, okay?