You stab yourself to death with the help of of servant, crying "Dead and so great an artist"
You are poisoned with mushrooms (by your wife)
You are stabbed to death with daggers twenty three times
You die from stomach ache but remember to comb your hair before doing so
You make the mistake of crying "I am still alive" after being stabbed with a sword
You are smothered with a pillow
Making more job opportunities and building more ampitheatres
Rome expanded to include regions like Spain, Gaul, Panonia, Dalmatia, and Egypt. You generously gave large sums of money to the common people throughout your career. You also retrieved 30,000 slaves who had fled from their masters and joined forces against Rome.
Never lost a war. Fixed the calendar. The Roman invasion of Britain in 55 B.C.
Gained 40,000 German slaves from a war.
Kept the economy peaceful
Fiddle whilst Rome burned!!
The fall of Jerusalem
The completing the Colosseum
You have a cool comb over
Amazingly good looking (if a little girly)
Tall pale and hairy with spindly legs (don't mention goats)
Broad shoulders and strong enough to stick his finger through an apple (but suffer from occasional pimples).
Tall and good looking apart from the dribbling, running nose, the stutter and the nervous twitch.
Good looking apart from the protuberant belly, spindly legs, the spots and the small matter of the body odour
Others have described you as "every woman's husband and every man's wife".
You raped a vestal virgin and fancy your mother.
You fancy Julius Caesar and wax your legs using walnut shells.
You hire little boys to nibble your legs while swimming
You have had sex with all of your 3 sisters, your grandmother and a pantomime dancer.
You love all your wives deeply (even the one you had executed)
Whilst 1st consul you stole 3,000 pounds of gold from the government treasury ... and swapped it with gilded bronze.
You're very generous with your friends
You're so miserly you don't pay your staff when your abroad
You're so generous to the people
You love to wallow in gold coins and will fake the will of anyone who doesn't name you as one of their heirs (and send poisoned sweets to anyone who then doesn't die quickly enough)
You stripped the temples ..... and any woman that wore purple
You eat simple food and don't drink much
You like simple and ordinary food
You had one dinner that lasted two days.
You drink pearls dissolved in vinegar and eat golden bread and meat
A convivial and enthusiastic diner - to the extent you would invite yourself unannounced to someone else's meal if you thought the cooking smelt appealing
You offer regular 12 hour feasts with prostitutes as waitresses
When you are captured by pirates you joke you will crucify them (you later keep your promise)
You ran away terrified up a cliff when you a fisherman offered you a mullet. Later you order the fisherman's face to be scrubbed with the fish. The fisherman's only response is to thank his lucky stars that he didn't not give you his large crab.
You hid behind the curtains when they tried to name you Emperor.
You ignore an earthquake lest it interrupt your performance on the lyre.
You hide under the bed when there was thunder
You moved to sit among the Plebs when they said they were worried their past of amphitheatre was about to collapse
You like the games as it means you can do your post without anyone disturbing you.
You thought the games far too expensive so you cut the wages of sportsmen and entertainers.
You took the visors of the Gladiators so you could get a better view of the expressions of the dying Gladiators
You built artificial lakes filled with sea monsters for naval battles but your theatre performances were so dull men that pretended to be dead so that they could escape.
You enjoyed the Games particularly if it involved lots of deaths (even when that meant the audience)
Banned the upper classes from participating in the Games ...unless they were dwarves
You expand the Senate, invent Hansard .... but then install a golden throne there and declare yourself dictator
You enhance democratic rights in the Senate but pass a law against sexy kissing.
You fell asleep when sitting as a judge and ramble incoherently in the Senate.
You were happy to visit the Senate if it involved collecting honours but privately announced you planned to kill every Senator
You appointed your horse as consul
You greet each senator by name ... but even then are teased in the Senate.
You inspired your men to incredible bravery and won victories in Britain, Gaul, Spain and Africa
You conquer Armenia and Switzerland and captured 40,000 German prisoners.
You conquer Britian
You execute members of a peaceful sect called the Christians and expel pantomime actors from Rome
You heroically attack some branches and plunder the seashore of shells
You won in 5 civil wars and capture 4 countries including Egypt