Rate My Facial Hair

10 Questions | By Cbaudelaire | Last updated: Mar 22, 2022 | Total Attempts: 644

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Are you a beardo, a stachemaster, or just a peachfuzz cowpoke? Find out now! (Yes, even if you're a female. )

You May Get

Amateur

It takes more than follicles to be on fleek, my friend.

Awesome-Face

TAKE ME TO YOUR LAIR NOW, I CAN'T EVEN. *qlunq*

Hipster and/or Troglodyte

Shave it off. Now. Seriously, you don't deserve the glory that is facial hair.

Baby Face

There's no shame in being clean-shaven. Maybe. No, no shame. Mostly. You do you.

Man with a Plan

Your investment in facial hair is modest, but can still earn dividends. Keep it classy, and bask in the compliments that come your way.

Sexy-Face

You're all in, but remember: With great facial hair power comes great facial hair responsibility. Be gentle with your admirers.

Walking a Thin, Hairy Line

Whoa. Take it easy, Captain Cool. Are you sure you've got what it takes to pull off this look?

Questions and Answers

1.

Do you have facial hair?
- A.
  
  Why yes, I do.
- B.
  
  No, I don't. Sorry.
2.

What kind of facial hair do you have?
- A.
  
  Mustache and beard
- B.
  
  Sideburns only
- C.
  
  Mustache, beard, sideburns
- D.
  
  Beard only
- E.
  
  Mustache only
- F.
  
  I don't have facial hair
3.

Is your facial hair the same color as your head hair?
- A.
  
  Pretty much, yes.
- B.
  
  No, but that's just how it grows.
- C.
  
  No, because I color one or the other.
- D.
  
  I don't have facial hair.
4.

How would you describe your beard?
- A.
  
  I don't have a beard.
- B.
  
  A goatee.
- C.
  
  A traditional beard.
- D.
  
  Other
- E.
  
  I'm telling you, I don't have any facial hair.
5.

Describe your mustache, darling.
- A.
  
  I don't have a mustache.
- B.
  
  Modest, traditional, well-trimmed
- C.
  
  Pornstache and/or handlebar
- D.
  
  Free-range
- E.
  
  I don't have facial hair.
- F.
  
  Connects to my sideburns.
- G.
  
  Connects to my beard.
6.

How long do you grow that fur on your face?
- A.
  
  Less than 1/2 inch.
- B.
  
  One-half to one inch.
- C.
  
  One to two inches.
- D.
  
  As long as I can get it.
- E.
  
  Still no facial hair!
7.

How do you keep your facial hair clean?
- A.
  
  Like, it gets wet in the shower.
- B.
  
  I wash it with soap or shampoo.
- C.
  
  It has its own set of products.
- D.
  
  Well, if I had any...but I don't!
8.

Do you mind having fingers run through your facial hair?
- A.
  
  Hands off the art, bitch.
- B.
  
  I'm selective, but the right person? Absolutely.
- C.
  
  I consider it an admission fee to the rest of me.
- D.
  
  Whatever floats your boat, but I'm not responsible for bites.
- E.
  
  I don't have any, so...
9.

How would you react if your significant other didn't appreciate your facial hair?
- A.
  
  Relationships are full of compromise...let's talk about it.
- B.
  
  Love me, love my scruff. Otherwise, take a hike.
- C.
  
  Oh, I can be VERY persuasive.
- D.
  
  Nope, don't have any facial hair.
10.

Why did you grow your facescaping?
- A.
  
  Because it beats having to shave my whole damn face.
- B.
  
  To cover up (scars, weak chin/jawline, etc.)
- C.
  
  Because it makes me look good and feel good.
- D.
  
  As an artistic expression of the canvas that is me.
- E.
  
  No facial hair here.