Are You A Secret Muslim?

8 Questions | Total Attempts: 3235

Are You A Secret Muslim? - Quiz

According to great thinkers like Glenn Beck, Michael Savage, and Rush Limbaugh, there may be millions of Secret Muslims hiding in the U. S. They're in our schools, in our 24 hour eating establishments, and in all three branches of our federal government! What's worse, many of these Secret Muslims don't even know who they are, innocently going about their lives thinking that they are members of other, more popular, religions. Trust no one - especially not yourself - until they've taken the official Chewing Tin Foil Secret Muslim Test!


You May Get

Congratulations Patriot!

You are a true-blue, stars and stripes waving non-Secret Muslim!  Make sure that everyone you know takes this test, and keep your back to the wall.

You're a Secret Muslim!

And you didn't even know it!  Did you see the Manchurian Candidate?  It's just like that.  But it's not too late.  Before your programming is activated, there is something you can do.  You'll need:4 bags pork rinds.  Store brand is okay.1 copy of "God Bless the USA: The Best of Lee Greenwood" on CD or MP31 Television4 Bottles of  Wild Turkey1 medium basinLock yourself in a room, turn off the lights and turn the television to Fox News. Put the sound on mute and fire up the Lee Greenwood.  Set it on repeat and adjust the volume to maximum.  Empty the pork rinds and Wild Turkey into the basin.  Once the Pork Rinds have become soft, lower your head into the basin and attempt to consume as much of the contents as possible.  Continue until you lose consciousness.  Upon waking up, retake the test.  Repeat as necessary. 

You're not a secret Muslim....

...but you're probably a socialist.  You and your freedom hating, social organizing friends can pile back into your VW bus and go back to Canada!
Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    Why do you hate America?
    • A. 

      For its freedom

    • B. 

      They discontinued the McRib

    • C. 

      The disparity between the rich and poor

    • D. 

      It's not Jesus-y enough

  • 2. 
    At your next Beer Summit, what kind of beer will are you most likely drink?
    • A. 

      Bud Lite

    • B. 

      Red Stripe

    • C. 

      Blue Moon

    • D. 

      I don't drink

  • 3. 
    Cat Stevens...
    • A. 

      Is a great singer

    • B. 

      Is the greatest singer

    • C. 

      Is no Ted Nugent

    • D. 

      Is now known as Yusuf Islam.

  • 4. 
    The First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees which of the following:
    • A. 

      Freedom of Religion - even if that religion is unpopular

    • B. 

      Freedom of the press

    • C. 

      The right to say the N-word on the radio

    • D. 

      All of the above

  • 5. 
    Would you like some bacon?
    • A. 

      Yes, please!

    • B. 

      No thank you, I'm on a diet.

    • C. 

      No thank you, I'm a vegetarian.

    • D. 

      No thank you, pigs are filthy animals.

  • 6. 
    Where did you attend school?
    • A. 

      Harvard Law

    • B. 

      A madrasah

    • C. 

      Public School

    • D. 

      I was home shcooled

  • 7. 
    When is it okay for a woman to have bare arms in public?
    • A. 

      Whenever she wants

    • B. 

      Only at state dinners and for official photo-ops

    • C. 

      Women, just like men, have a constitutional right to bare arms as often as they want

  • 8. 
    Are there any Muslims in your family? (include any deceased parents or other direct ancestors) 
    • A. 

      Yes

    • B. 

      No

    • C. 

      No way!

    • D. 

      Don't know

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