Try to find the owner, and then after getting disgusted with people, give it to charity.
Scream mine and I will kill anyone who doesn't move out of my way.
Light up only to have someone take it right out of from under your hand.
Think hey, there's a hundred dollar bill, boy I wish it were mine, and keep walking.
Pick it up and then exclaim "sucker."
"Damn, I was hoping it would take longer for him to notice."
"Me, I'm doing a poor job. Why is someone always picking on me."
"Boy this sandwich tastes good. Should I be listening?"
"He thinks I'm doing a bad job. Well let me tell him, he is a complete fool who has no management skills, no brain, no......
"Hmp, I hate my job anyway."
With a squeal and instantly ask if you can be in it.
Reply, "that's great man", and offer a hug while trying to hide a little tear in your eye.
Reply, "Weddings are not as special after you have had a few."
Instanly whip out a planning book.
Start describing your friend's marriage with dolphins.
Moan "why me" and tell yourself the heavens are conspiring against you.
Shrug, you kind of like the sexy wet look.
Nothing, you have an emergency hair fix it kit in your purse.
Shrug, why not. It's not like she's going to come home with you anyhow.
Hide under an awning and then make up a completely ridiculous excuse for being late. My cat died..and it was... hit by a bus...on the way to the vet..and I uh..so wine!
Does a fine wine count as food?
Eh, does it matter. Once you finish eating its all in the same place anyhow
Mini-muffins. It was the best day ever when they were at work.
Eating, but somehow it works for you.
Cleaning everything, twice, three times, four times, maybe ten.
Does shopping count?
Smoking counts right?
Everything you do is an exercise in life.
Pets require you to do something with them resembling affection right?
Oh you had such a cute little dog when you were a kid... maybe one of those things.
Duck and chick.
An exotic monkey.
The mouse in your cupboard.
Me! Miss a deadline, as if.
Nothing, but leaning over the desk a little couldn't hurt.
Why bother with an excuse, no one cares anyhow.
Sorry bud, but you didn't know you had one.
Life is too short to worry about deadlines.