You Might Think You're Not A Hufflepuff, But If Your Name Is Kelli, You're Wrong

10 Questions | Total Attempts: 38

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You Might Think You

Do you ever wonder what Hogwarts House you would have been assigned to if not for your decision to give all of that up to commit to 40 hours a week of windowless despair? Well, look no further. This is the official, CPR Hogwarts House Assessment Tool, designed to give everyone except Kelli the decision that they have been waiting for!


Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    Which Jersey Shore character do you most closely identify with?
    • A. 

      Ronnie -- I'm an amateur mixologist with rage issues

    • B. 

      Pauly D -- I'm wayyyy too old to be so involved in this nonsense (or to be a "professional DJ"), but I'm having fun with it nonetheless

    • C. 

      JWoww -- I don't care what anyone thinks, and beneath my shredded, boob-exposing t-shirts, I have a heart of gold

    • D. 

      Mike -- I have no sense of style, but think that acting like I'm awesome will distract people from my aged skin and in-turned feet

    • E. 

      Sammi -- If anyone is looking at someone other than me, I will cut you and/or pack you in a limo for a surprise trip to Times Square

    • F. 

      Snooki -- I'm either the dumbest or the smartest person you will ever meet

    • G. 

      Vinny -- I think fame is an acceptable excuse to engage in tatooed douchebaggery

  • 2. 
    If you could choose the ideal office at CPR, what would it be?
    • A. 

      Paul's -- corner office, bitches!

    • B. 

      Lindsay's -- the devil's playground

    • C. 

      Jessica's -- how am I supposed to eat if I don't have privileged access to the plastic forks?

    • D. 

      Sarah's -- nothing like a fortress of cardboard boxes to keep other people away

    • E. 

      Kevin's -- just a cot in my office...for napping...I mean, working

    • F. 

      Work Study Room -- jagged pieces of glass and frigid cold air make for an excellent environment to focus on the task at hand

    • G. 

      Kelli's -- bare, soulless

  • 3. 
    You decide to keep a house elf as a pet slash slave - what is its name?
    • A. 

      Crumpet the House Elf

    • B. 

      Flimflam the House Elf

    • C. 

      Pobby the House Elf

    • D. 

      Kazoo the House Elf

    • E. 

      Harold the House Elf

    • F. 

      Chatty Cathy the House Elf

    • G. 

      Riffraff the House Elf

    • H. 

      Dingbat the House Elf

    • I. 

      Sloppy the House Elf

    • J. 

      Brisbane the House Elf

  • 4. 
    Of all the official CPR lovahs, which is your favorite?
    • A. 

      Zefron -- duh

    • B. 

      JGL -- His intellectualization of the creative process is so fascinating

    • C. 

      JGL -- He's so hot

    • D. 

      Sean Kingston -- Rape is okay as long as it's set to a hot Caribbean beat

    • E. 

      Anyone but Zefron -- Why does it look like his head is too small for his body?

    • F. 

      The Biebs -- Screw you, Selena Gomez!

    • G. 

      Pauly D -- There's just something about DJs...

  • 5. 
    Who is the worst HP character?
    • A. 

      Parvati Patel -- seems pretty bitchy

    • B. 

      Voldemort -- looks too much like a snake for comfort

    • C. 

      Dumbledore -- either clear your throat or get a lozenge

    • D. 

      Hagrid -- totally useless

    • E. 

      Bellatrix Lestrange -- cool name, bad hair

    • F. 

      Hermione -- parents are dentists, enough said

    • G. 

      Draco Malfoy -- bottle blond

    • H. 

      Harry -- thinks he's cool just because he has glasses and saved the world

    • I. 

      Ron -- ginger

    • J. 

      Barty Crouch -- creeper

  • 6. 
    If there is one thing the world needs more of it is:
    • A. 

      Semi-abusive DJs

    • B. 

      Evil

    • C. 

      Naps

    • D. 

      Ancient Runes

    • E. 

      Days off from work

    • F. 

      Protein shakes

    • G. 

      Brad Womack

    • H. 

      Happy hours

    • I. 

      Songs by Justin Timberlake

    • J. 

      Seasonally appropriate clothing

    • K. 

      Hufflepuffs

  • 7. 
    Which aspect of your job is the most fun?
    • A. 

      Attending Exec

    • B. 

      Dealing with the City IRB

    • C. 

      Eating lunch outside

    • D. 

      Burning CDs

    • E. 

      Watching Modern Family

    • F. 

      Researching refrigerators

    • G. 

      Doing data analysis with SPSS

    • H. 

      Hearing about Paul's kids

    • I. 

      Recruiting patients

    • J. 

      Talking to KCC and Dr. Juj

    • K. 

      Making fun of Kelli

  • 8. 
    What do you look for when interviewing a potential new RA?
    • A. 

      Detail-oriented, obsessive-compulsive personality

    • B. 

      Swedish Viking

    • C. 

      Someone I can boss around

    • D. 

      Someone who won't make fun of me ("me" = Kelli, obviously)

    • E. 

      Someone who possesses a seasonally appropriate wardrobe

    • F. 

      Someone who will do all the work so I don't have to

    • G. 

      Someone who will make up hilarious jokes about Kelli

    • H. 

      Someone who will be my new best friend after my current best friend moves to California

    • I. 

      Someone who will steal from Mary Beth's purse during Monday morning meetings

  • 9. 
    Hypothetical scenario: Much like the Weasleys/Potters/every other family in the Harry Potter books, your parents met at Hogwarts and started dating. Which house were they in?
    • A. 

      Ravenclaw

    • B. 

      Gryffindor

    • C. 

      Hufflepuff

    • D. 

      Slytherin

    • E. 

      Are you kidding? My parents are absolutely Muggles.

  • 10. 
    If you could invent your own house at Hogwarts, what would be its name, colors, and mascot?
    • A. 

      Slatspool House, Burgundy/Blue, Dragon

    • B. 

      Tagwagon House, Pink/Silver, Scottish Fold Kitten

    • C. 

      Tiberius House, Orange/White, Armadillo

    • D. 

      Florfloff House, Teal/Blue, Seahorse

    • E. 

      Hopintot, Purple/Brown, Talking Armadillo

    • F. 

      Scornsham House, Yellow/Pink, Hippo

    • G. 

      Torius House, Black/Silver, Cheetah