Inserting structural supports beneath the statue, which had begun to sink and pitch forward.
Altering the position of the statue, so that it no longer glowers at the Jefferson Memorial.
Filling a crack that had developed in the statue’s left leg.
Making a King quotation etched into the statue more accurate.
Annex Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.
Relocate the capital from Madison to Milwaukee.
Force the New York Giants to replay the Green Bay Packers in a winner-takes-all playoff rematch.
Force a recall election of Governor Scott Walker.
“Definitely thirty per cent, I think.”
“Probably closer to the fifteen per cent rate than anything.”
“Exactly twenty per cent, if you round to the nearest twenty.”
“Certainly less than all of you rubes.”
Mario Batali admitted that his surname is actually MacBatall, and that his family ancestry is Scottish, not Italian.
Giada DeLaurentiis admitted she doesn’t particularly enjoy cooking.
Paula Deen admitted to having type-two diabetes.
Emeril Lagasse admitted that he writes catchphrases first, and then develops recipes around them.
The Chrysler Group.
Pinkerton Consulting & Investigations.
March 2012 (after the Super Tuesday primary elections).
August 2012 (after The Discovery Channel’s Shark Week).
September 2012 (after the Republican convention).
2013 (after the Presidential election).
Accelerate its nuclear-weapons program
Close the Strait of Hormuz
Raise oil prices
Sell its nuclear secrets to Venezuela
“I was going to get help.”
“I can’t swim.”
“I tripped and ended up in one of the lifeboats.”
“Survival is instinctual.”
He needed to rest after a night of partying.
He preferred to watch game tapes.
He had a stomach illness.
He’d missed a flight.
“Sweet Land of Liberty”
“Ellis, the Patriotic Elephant”
“Growing Up Republican”
“I Can Be President, Too”