Grapefruit-sized hail in Massachusetts.
A plague of locusts in Illinois.
A snowstorm in Arizona.
A tornado in Alaska.
Political favors, which the campaign is terming “plenary indulgences.”
Official campaign sweater vests.
“J.F.K. Makes Me Want to Throw Up, Too” bumper stickers.
Digital downloads of “Game On,” the song written for the campaign by the Oklahoma sister act “First Love.”
Silly putty, because “it just copies whatever material it’s pushed up against.”
An erector set, because “it’s cold and mechanical.”
Etch A Sketch, because after the primaries the campaign will “shake it up and start all over again.”
Monopoly, because he’s going to “bankrupt Gingrich and Santorum, and then party on Park Place.”
Customized smell-tones that smell like the person who calls or texts.
A tattoo that vibrates to signal incoming calls.
An “eye phone” implant that lets users see a live image of whomever they are speaking with.
A waterproof wristlet phone that never needs to be removed.
The whereabouts of the Loch Ness monster.
The New York Jets’ signing of Tim Tebow.
The fate of the lost colony of Roanoke.
The disappearance of Amelia Earhart.
President of Dartmouth College.
Deputy Secretary of State.
Deputy Treasury Secretary.
Vice-President of the World Heath Organization.
He delivered a speech to the American Medical Association.
He invited newly insured Americans to the White House.
He did not make public remarks about it.
He held a beer summit with two doctor friends.
A year and a half.
Four thousand dollars.
Nine hundred dollars.
A hundred dollars.
The country will allow women to participate.
The country will not allow women to participate, despite international pressure.
The International Olympic Committee has banned Saudi Arabia from participating until it allows women athletes to compete.
It wants to host the games in 2024.