What Kind Of Goth Are You?

13 Questions

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What Kind Of Goth Are You?

In the scene, do you fit in as a veteran? An evangelist? A UFO? Get your sub-label hot and fresh from the oven. . .


Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    You're minding your own business walking down the street when suddenly you bump into Robert Smith and he starts crying. You:
    • A. 

      Don't know who Robert Smith is.

    • B. 

      Feel sorry because you like his music, but really don't know why he's crying.

    • C. 

      Remind him about that time you met at a gig in London in 1970 something.

    • D. 

      Get mad at him for everything except Disintegration and Pornography.

    • E. 

      Steal a piece of his hair. For research.

  • 2. 
    It's the end of the world, it's raining cannibals and birds are exploding. Your first reaction is to:
    • A. 

      Hide in safety. This is not your jam.

    • B. 

      Wait it out. This is nothing compared to that time the earth stood still in 1951.

    • C. 

      Get mad because cannibals and birds are just not the right way for humanity to go.

    • D. 

      Play the soundtrack to Cannibal Holocaust.

    • E. 

      Live tweet the whole thing while trying to avoid getting eaten.

    • F. 

      Watch.

  • 3. 
    Of the following zombie films, which is your favorite?
    • A. 

      Night of the Living Dead

    • B. 

      28 Days Later

    • C. 

      The Walking Dead's a movie right?

    • D. 

      None. They never depict zombies accurately.

    • E. 

      Zombieland

    • F. 

      Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

  • 4. 
    You and some friends get together to use a Ouija board, but at the last minute they chicken out. You:
    • A. 

      Don't care. You don't even know how to use that thing anyway.

    • B. 

      Wish the curse of seven thousand lice upon them.

    • C. 

      Embark on a long monologue concerning the Ouija board and its history.

    • D. 

      Joke until they feel more comfortable giving it a try.

    • E. 

      Tell a story about that time you prank called the Reaper.

    • F. 

      You're afraid of the Wee-jee board too.

  • 5. 
    Do you support your local bands?
    • A. 

      You draw their album covers. You love them. They are your children.

    • B. 

      If you like their music.

    • C. 

      Through social media.

    • D. 

      Your local band left the area 25 years ago. You have no idea who's playing these days.

    • E. 

      What local bands?

    • F. 

      No. They suck.

  • 6. 
    Are you in a band?
    • A. 

      Yes. I'm a calculus tutor for a technical death metal band.

    • B. 

      Yeah. We suck.

    • C. 

      Yes, but we don't fit under any category, despite what people keep labeling it.

    • D. 

      We just reunited. It's like the good ol' days, only with beer guts and kids.

    • E. 

      Yep. We never take ourselves seriously, it's more a parody of a band if anything.

    • F. 

      Huh. No, why would I?

  • 7. 
    Which band do you prefer?
    • A. 

      Strawberry Switchblade

    • B. 

      Frontline Assembly

    • C. 

      Killing Joke

    • D. 

      Creature Feature

    • E. 

      Joy Division

    • F. 

      I don't know any of these pal.

  • 8. 
    Your friend and you are debating over the year your favorite band officially formed. You know she's wrong. You:
    • A. 

      Bring in the evidence. You know better than Wikipedia.

    • B. 

      Switch to making inside jokes about the band. You know you're correct, but don't need to prove it.

    • C. 

      Whatever. The date is the only real thing you know about the band anyway.

    • D. 

      Pretend to agree with your friend. She knows more about this band anyway, she'll probably realize her mistake later.

    • E. 

      Throw confetti into the air, write POSER all over your friend's forehead and cartwheel away. You love being right.

    • F. 

      Show her pictures of you with the band before they even formed.

  • 9. 
    This guy in Tripp pants and a Slipknot t-shirt compliments your look. You:
    • A. 

      Compliment his.

    • B. 

      Laugh like it's the early 2000s and you've got no care in the world.

    • C. 

      Encourage him to keep exploring his style and talk about the bands you liked when you were younger.

    • D. 

      Question his sincerity. You're in pyjamas.

    • E. 

      Note that Tripp pants are not, in fact, extinct.

    • F. 

      Feel insulted.

  • 10. 
    Your first thoughts after finishing Bram Stoker's Dracula were:
    • A. 

      It was long, tedious and boring.

    • B. 

      Anyone who does not like it is unworthy.

    • C. 

      I didn't read it.

    • D. 

      Pretty eloquent for a PSA on STDs.

    • E. 

      This is the tenth time I've read it, and it just keeps getting better.

    • F. 

      My ol' mate Bram, I remember him...

  • 11. 
    For breakfast you usually go for:
    • A. 

      Cornflakes.

    • B. 

      Coffee and cigarettes.

    • C. 

      Wheat bran.

    • D. 

      Frankenberry cereal.

    • E. 

      Redbull and pizza.

    • F. 

      Monster munch chips.

  • 12. 
    Which shoes do you wear most?
    • A. 

      The same Doc Martens you were born in.

    • B. 

      Canvas shoes. Leather isn't vegan and neither is chicken.

    • C. 

      Socks, but the special Halloween kind with little ghost prints on them.

    • D. 

      New Rocks.

    • E. 

      Basic black combat boots which you shine, take care of and kiss goodnight.

    • F. 

      Vintage winkles.

  • 13. 
    Which lyrics best describe you?
    • A. 

      "You just condone all that you mean. Play time doesn't last forever."

    • B. 

      "Lament repent oh mortal you. So sad. So sad."

    • C. 

      "Dum dum dum dum dum - IT'S SHOWTIME! - Daaa da daaa da da daaa"

    • D. 

      "I walk the line between good and evil."

    • E. 

      "1980s was run by a person who's crazy like you. 1990s will be unkindly exactly like you."

    • F. 

      "What is this song all about? Can't figure any lyrics out."