I don't always drink, but when I do I barf and then proceed to eat it rather than clean it up.
I spend most of the time on the floor or in the bathroom.
I wouldn't know, my girlfriend doesn't let me go.
I get tired and scared.
When single, I make an attempt at every girl in the room. When in a relationship, I attempt to engage in a deep talk with everyone in the room.
I'm Mormon, bro. The only party I go to is Family Game Night.
I only go if I've been forced to, and when I do I tweet nonsense the whole time.
I always end up smoking, failing to get with a girl, and then blaming it on the weed.
I focus solely on lip-syncing rap lyrics in the kitchen.
While inebriated, I get horny to the point where gender and relationship status are null and void: all is fair game.
"Shut up mom, just let me smoke my weeeeeeeed."
"I can't, I have to have dinner with my family."
"I just want to sleep in my own bed."
"What's going on this weekend?"
"Yeah, it's gonna happen soon."
"Sorry guys, party's cancelled."
"Can I get a slap of that?"
I don't have a catchphrase.
I don't know what love is anymore...
I was a founding member.
I was the first to be asked to join.
I was inducted in the Great Initiation of the 2011-2012 school year.
I was featured on a hit single and subsequently added to the group.
I kept pestering until I was let in.
I kind of just said I was in it and the other members didn't have the heart to say I wasn't, so they let me in.
I'm not in AFB/I don't want to be in AFB.
In a truck.
I choose not to.
The night before the world was supposed to end (12/21/12)... just in case.
In Mitchsis' room.
Idk bro, but I'll have you know I've done it 9 times in one day.
It's a mystery how I haven't yet.
I haven't, but one time I slept with a girl and woke up with a used condom on the table next to me! It wasn't mine, though.
I don't have time for that, I'm too busy smoking weeeeeeeeed.
I'm waiting for the right girl.
Whatever's available, and all of it.
Bombay. Just kidding, I only smoke weeeeeeed.
Gin and Tonic with lime, which I inexplicably drink like a shot.
Two beers at the same time.
I'll have a caffeine-free soda.
Fireball. I can't drink mixed drinks, I have acid reflux.
I'll have a s- wait hold on guys, did you hear that? Is that the cops?
I don't really like drinking.
8.5 on a good day.
Mattson Middle School
Meridian Middle School
Because I got it used & cheap.
Because I crashed my other one(s).
I chose to drive this one today rather than my other choice(s).
Because my sister has mine at the moment.
Because it's ugly and cheap so I don't care if it smells like weeeeeeed.
None. Can't spell "crap" without "rap."
Doesn't matter, as long as they rap about smoking weeeeeeeed.
Other, because I can't make a decision about anything. "If you stand in the middle of the road, you're gonna get hit" - Gary Busey
He's a selfish, inconsiderate asshole.
He's cute and I like him.
I don't have a strong opinion about Brian.
To tweet about trippy things and weeeeeeed, bro.
To complain and gripe about popular topics.
I don't use it at all.
I don't use it very much.
To try and get as many favorites as possible.
My ultimate goal is to complete the transition into a parody account.
To subtweet girls and completely ruin my chances with them.
To tweet about deep, sappy, melodramatic things.
To peruse through porn & anime accounts.
It's perfectly average-sized, but beautiful.
It's small and dirty.
It's "six inches."
I use it for everything but masturbating.
Looks kinda like a bong...
I like it!
I assume it's pretty big, because my girlfriend won't shut up about it.
I'm not sure what it really looks like because I always have a boner.
Summer in-between 8th and 9th grade.
9th - 11th grade.
12th grade (including summer after junior year).
Can't go a day without it.
I love it to the point where I spend ~$5 on it every morning.
I only like white chocolate mochas.
Don't really like it.
Can't drink it, bro. I'll go to hell.
I like it like I like my women - black.
Wandering around the house and pretending to clean up.
Getting roasted by my friends.
Going home early.
Cleaning the filth off of myself because I was a blundering animal the night before.
Saying my own name loudly until everyone else wakes up.
I wouldn't be at a party in the first place, especially not if it was Saturday night. Can't be out on Sunday, bro.
I've banged it out a few times.
Having sex with a dude.
Jacking off to gay porn.
My enormous lips.
My long neck.
My big nose.
My sharp, vaguely Middle Eastern features.
My overwhelming scent of dank.
My extreme, almost feminine sensitivity.
My strange pattern of speech.
The fact that I look inexplicably lightskin.
My horrible life choices.