Staphylococcus Personality Quiz

13 Questions | By Ferretron | Updated: Aug 9, 2017 | Attempts: 121

What type of medically relevant Staphylococcus are you? Your answers will help match which Staphylococcus strain of clinical significance is most represented by your personality. Will you colonize nasal cavities? Will you be transmitted through intercourse? Are you a hardcore, drug-resistant pathogen? Take this brief quiz and find out! You might learn a little bit more about science. You may learn a little bit more about yourself.
Give it a shot. Because everyone loves being compared to bacteria.
(That photo is a scanning electron microscope Read moreimage of Staphyloccocus clinging to a dead neutrophil. EDUCATIONAL!)

Questions and Answers

1.

How would you rather be remembered?
- A.
  
  A. By your impact on the lives of many people.
- B.
  
  B. As an amazing lover.
- C.
  
  C. As a strong survivor that overcame many challenges.
- D.
  
  D. As someone relatively quiet and nice to just have around.
2.

Which superpower would you rather have?
- A.
  
  A. The ability to produce natural toxins.
- B.
  
  B. Strong adherence to surfaces.
- C.
  
  C. Invulnerability.
- D.
  
  D. No super powers for me, thanks. I’m happy with the way I am.
3.

Which of these sounds more appealing to you?
- A.
  
  A. Playing an intramural sport at the local Y.
- B.
  
  B. A hot date.
- C.
  
  C. Visiting a nursing home and then not leaving.
- D.
  
  D. Reading a good book or maybe watching tv at home.
4.

Which of these most closely matches with your life goals?
- A.
  
  A. Sustaining yourself and your family. Possibly by preying on the weak and the foolish.
- B.
  
  B. Hooking up with as many people as possible.
- C.
  
  C. Never dying no matter how hard they try to kill you.
- D.
  
  D. Serving your purpose without causing too much trouble for anyone.
5.

Which of the following locations would you rather have as your home?
- A.
  
  B. That sorority house known for their wild parties.
- B.
  
  C. The surgical ward at the state-run hospital.
- C.
  
  D. A 2,000 square foot home with central heating and air just 10 minutes from the downtown attractions.
- D.
  
  A. A crowded prison with a softball league and ice-cream sandwiches.
6.

A police officer knocks at your front door. You open the door and say:
- A.
  
  A. “Since when is it a crime to scatter used needles in an ICU?”
- B.
  
  B. “I promise we’re all consenting adults here”
- C.
  
  C. “YOU’LL NEVER GET THOSE CUFFS ON ME!”
- D.
  
  D. “How may I help you officer?”
7.

What do you enjoy most about a visit to Walmart?
- A.
  
  A. Admiring the selection of highly absorbent tampons.
- B.
  
  B. Standing next to the yogurt aisle and asking all of the young women about their sex lives.
- C.
  
  C. Sneaking into the pharmacy and insulting the methicillin.
- D.
  
  D. You don’t enjoy anything about visiting Walmart. It’s a miserable place to be.
8.

You walk into a kickin' party and glance around the room. You’re thinking:
- A.
  
  A. How cool it would be if that potato salad had been left out at room temperature all day.
- B.
  
  B. I wonder which of the females here between the ages of 17 and 27 will be having intercourse tonight.
- C.
  
  C. I need a casual way to impress people so they think I'm cool. Maybe tell a story about how I acquired that flashy new mecA gene.
- D.
  
  D. It would be best to try to act normal and blend in with the other organisms.
9.

A friend sets you up on a blind date. Which of these are you more concerned about when meeting him/her for the first time?
- A.
  
  A. Wondering if things would work out so well that you could be completely vulnerable with each other. If you could establish the kind of trust that would make them ok with you coagulating their blood.
- B.
  
  B. If you have any chance at getting lucky tonight. To get all up in their urethra.
- C.
  
  C. How long it will take for them to realize that they can’t get rid of you.
- D.
  
  D. Hoping that they will have a nice, healthy layer of epidermis.
10.

Your friends would most likely describe you as:
- A.
  
  A. Invasive, purulent, and a big fan of military barracks.
- B.
  
  B. Causing burning sensations when they pee.
- C.
  
  C. A dangerous person that resists being killed.
- D.
  
  D. Nothing special.
11.

You’re vacationing in the French countryside on a perfect spring day when you realize there is a one-armed man on your tour bus. When you stop at a famous vineyard, you realize the man is none other than Rick Allen, the drummer for Def Leppard. You share a bottle of fine merlot with Rick and tell him that seeing him overcome his disability and rock out has been a major inspiration in your life and that the Pyromania album helped you overcome your Pokemon addiction back in the 90’s. Rick is very gracious and even allows you to take a selfie with him. When you text the picture to your mother and Eugene, her telemarketing boyfriend in Florida, which of these photos most resembles the selfie you took with Rick Allen?
- A.
  
  This photo
- B.
  
  This photo
- C.
  
  This photo
- D.
  
  This photo
12.

How would you most likely spend a Saturday night?
- A.
  
  A. Shaking hands with a bunch of homeless people and then not bathing.
- B.
  
  B. Having unprotected penetrative vaginal sex.
- C.
  
  C. Visiting a nursing home full of immunocompromised geriatric patients and seeing if everyone starts dying after you touch them.
- D.
  
  D. What the hell is up with these quiz questions? Isn’t there something more important that I should be doing right now?
13.

Which of these events are more important to you?
- A.
  
  A. The day you started your dream job after working through tedious lower positions.
- B.
  
  B. The day you met your soul mate.
- C.
  
  C. The day you beat out all the competition and took first place in whatever sport or hobby you care about.
- D.
  
  D. Everyday is full of greatness. Celebrate the little things. Carpe diem. Wind chimes and yoga pants.