Honk the horn repeatedly until they speed up
Swear and flip them off hoping they will see you in their mirror
Pass them and then take off like a bat out of hell
Pass them while honking the horn and yelling obscenities at them
Pass them and then slow down in front of them
Nothing, you are not in a hurry anyway, just enjoying the scenery
Follow them until they stop, kidnap and kill them, then eat the bodies.
People, the other white meat.
Minions are useful, I like minions
You are surrounded by idiots
You have a lot of acquaintances, but no really close friends
As long as alcohol is involved, everyone is your friend
You have a small group of people you consider to be good friends, and a lot of acquaintances
Those who are less intelligent will be enslaved, those who are equally intelligent you will keep around to procreate with, and there is no one smarter than you.
You don’t trust others, and they really shouldn’t trust you
You trust people until they give you a reason to not trust you anymore
Trust needs to be earned
Go ahead and trust me, you will change your mind when you wake up in a tub of ice and missing a kidney
You trust no one, you like your kidneys where they are
You like to make people trust you, it is more fun that way when you violate that trust on purpose.
You are worthy of everyone’s trust, you consider it a sacred vow that you will never violate.
The world would be a better place if we all expressed how we felt
You only share your true feelings with you spouse/mate, or a really good friend if you have been drinking
You had your tear ducts surgically removed
Feelings require having a heart – something you do not possess
You share your feelings with your therapist only – that is what you are paying them for
You feel like shaving your neighbor’s dog and duct taping it’s naked body to the wall
It is only appropriate for grown men to cry in public if they have suffered massive head trauma or their favorite team has won/lost the Super Bowl
You refuse to admit it until there is undeniable proof
You are the kind of stand up person who is comfortable admitting when you are wrong
Moot question, you never have been, and never will be wrong.
You blame it on someone else, or you insist that you heard the question wrong
You usually are wrong to the point people assume anything you say is incorrect
Those who have accused you of being wrong were killed and you use their intestines as shoelaces for your super hero costume
You like knock knock jokes
Your jokes and teasing can get a bit nasty at times, but you have to admit, they are pretty funny
Nothing is sacred. You can, and have, made jokes at funerals.
The point of most of your jokes is to make others cry or feel bad about themselves
You think mailing people an animal head is a great joke
Why did God give women 2 holes? So you can carry them home like a six-pack
You change the ethnicity of people in racist jokes depending on what race you are talking to.
If you pay, you expect the other person to put out
As long as there are not too many maggots you don’t see why homonecrobestality should be illegal
No sex until at least the third date
It’s only cheating if you get caught
As long as your spouse/partner says it’s okay for you to fuck someone else
The more the merrier
You are saving yourself until marriage
You have lied about a death in the family to get out of work or helping someone move
You enjoy lobbing "innocent" comments during meetings that serve no purpose other than to humiliate or cause discomfort to the person on the receiving end
You find it useful to glare at, insult, and even occasionally holler at some of the idiots at your workplace – otherwise, they never seem to shape-up
As long as you are doing it in the privacy of your own dungeon, it is none of anyone’s business what you do to the sheep
Treat people how you would like to be treated, because karma is a bitch
Treat people the way they treat you
You try to be nice at all times, you never know when your smile will make someone’s day
When people see you they run away screaming something about you being the one on the news
You have the feeling that people are always very careful about what they say around you, and they are usually hesitant to share personal information with you
Usually with a smile and a nod
People often seem to react to your arrival by announcing that they have to leave
Strangers will often approach you for help
You notice that people seem to avoid eye contact when they talk to you – and they often become very nervous
High fives and handshakes all around, you are just that damn cool