We toss them down the hopper.
We use biodegradable lambskin.
Our condoms are even rated vegan-friendly.
There is a silk spun from Indonesian spiders that wraps around just perfectly and virtually disintegrates on its own, taking with it all contents as if by magic.
Anything easily removable.
I think they are mostly nylon.
Once you try bamboo lingerie you will never go back.
What? Huh? Sorry, I’m not understanding you.
I have asked, but it doesn’t really influence my choice of partner.
I have gone exclusively eco-sex partner. (Except for that really hot gym instructor.)
I require documentation that a potential partner has not soiled the environment for a minimum of eight months.
I seem to breathe heavier.
I never make love without an air conditioner running.
I use a top-of-the-line air purifier.
My love-making room is an enlarged hyperbaric chamber featuring a 35-to-55 percent oxygen content, depending on the endurance of my partner and the allotted time.
I have over 900 AA batteries in my home. (But I do own a flashlight, as well.)
I plug it in to recharge.
I have a powering device that attaches to my stationary bike.
I have figured out a way to power it with the energy from my orgasms.
I buy what’s on sale.
I have mine delivered from Thailand every week.
I make my own, incorporating essence of rosemary and robins’ breath.
Lots of foam rubber and I have, like 50 foam rubber pillows, too.
Just your normal spring and cloth.
One of those shape-fitting ones.
Strictly 100 percent organic materials.
We have bowls filled with Cialis and Viagra.
Bananas. We can’t get through a bunch without doing it.
We have a stack of sex magazines dating back to the 1970s.
That’s the only reason we still have a VCR.
Nothing but paper-free Internet porn for us.
I have trained myself to imagine any sexual scenario in full, realistic detail.
No. I don’t even know those people.
No. That’s really too much to ask.
No. Hopefully there will be other habitable planets they can move to by then.
No. I’m responsible, but I’m not sprouting angel wings over here.