Are You Eco-sexual?

10 Questions

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Are You Eco-sexual?

Being a responsible lover used to mean taking care to take precautions, as well as to satisfy, in all your various and sundry sexual activities. Today there is an additional aspect involved. Sure, all the previous standards still apply, but now your performance must incorporate a certain 'saving of the planet' component. If this is news to you, we suggest you take this quiz post haste.


Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    If you use condoms, how do you dispose of them.
    • A. 

      We toss them down the hopper.

    • B. 

      We use biodegradable lambskin.

    • C. 

      Our condoms are even rated vegan-friendly.

    • D. 

      There is a silk spun from Indonesian spiders that wraps around just perfectly and virtually disintegrates on its own, taking with it all contents as if by magic.

  • 2. 
    What sort of lingerie do you or your partner usually wear?
    • A. 

      Anything easily removable.

    • B. 

      I think they are mostly nylon.

    • C. 

      Fine silk.

    • D. 

      Once you try bamboo lingerie you will never go back.

  • 3. 
    How do you make sure that your partner is as committed to eco-sex as you are?
    • A. 

      What? Huh? Sorry, I’m not understanding you.

    • B. 

      I have asked, but it doesn’t really influence my choice of partner.

    • C. 

      I have gone exclusively eco-sex partner. (Except for that really hot gym instructor.)

    • D. 

      I require documentation that a potential partner has not soiled the environment for a minimum of eight months.

  • 4. 
    Breathing is extremely important in complete sexual gratification. Do you do anything to get more oxygen into your blood during sex?
    • A. 

      I seem to breathe heavier.

    • B. 

      I never make love without an air conditioner running.

    • C. 

      I use a top-of-the-line air purifier.

    • D. 

      My love-making room is an enlarged hyperbaric chamber featuring a 35-to-55 percent oxygen content, depending on the endurance of my partner and the allotted time.

  • 5. 
    If you own a personal pleasure device, how do you power it?
    • A. 

      I have over 900 AA batteries in my home. (But I do own a flashlight, as well.)

    • B. 

      I plug it in to recharge.

    • C. 

      I have a powering device that attaches to my stationary bike.

    • D. 

      I have figured out a way to power it with the energy from my orgasms.

  • 6. 
    What is your massage oil of choice?
    • A. 

      10-W30.

    • B. 

      I buy what’s on sale.

    • C. 

      I have mine delivered from Thailand every week.

    • D. 

      I make my own, incorporating essence of rosemary and robins’ breath.

  • 7. 
    What kind of mattress do you sleep on?
    • A. 

      Lots of foam rubber and I have, like 50 foam rubber pillows, too.

    • B. 

      Just your normal spring and cloth.

    • C. 

      One of those shape-fitting ones.

    • D. 

      Strictly 100 percent organic materials.

  • 8. 
    Do you or your partner ingest any sexual enhancement products?
    • A. 

      We have bowls filled with Cialis and Viagra.

    • B. 

      Bananas. We can’t get through a bunch without doing it.

    • C. 

      Pumpkin seeds.

    • D. 

      Oysters.

  • 9. 
    Do you use visual stimuli to enhance your sexual experience?
    • A. 

      We have a stack of sex magazines dating back to the 1970s.

    • B. 

      That’s the only reason we still have a VCR.

    • C. 

      Nothing but paper-free Internet porn for us.

    • D. 

      I have trained myself to imagine any sexual scenario in full, realistic detail.

  • 10. 
    Would you consider abstinence if it meant saving the Earth for future generations?
    • A. 

      No. I don’t even know those people.

    • B. 

      No. That’s really too much to ask.

    • C. 

      No. Hopefully there will be other habitable planets they can move to by then.

    • D. 

      No. I’m responsible, but I’m not sprouting angel wings over here.