What Kind Of Animal Are You?

8 Questions

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What Kind Of Animal Are You Quizzes & Trivia

We all have our favorite animals, but what kind of animal are you? Are you a cat person? A dog person? A boa constrictor person? Take this quiz to find out!


Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    What's your idea of a great meal?
    • A. 

      Filet mignon, scalloped potatoes, broccoli with almonds, and a glass of fine Merlot.

    • B. 

      A still warm rat you just suffocated using your prehensile spine, swallowed whole.

    • C. 

      Lots of grass. Oh, who are you kidding, you'll have some more of those fattening oats.

    • D. 

      The microbes in your gut appreciate wood pulp, so that's mostly what you eat.

    • E. 

      Anything, and I mean anything. Not picky. Seriously. Nails, carrion, floating plastic, bread, you name it.

    • F. 

      Millions of microscopic shrimp.

  • 2. 
    How many limbs do you have?
    • A. 

      Seven: two arms, two legs, two wings, and a tail.

    • B. 

      Four: two arms and two legs.

    • C. 

      Six or eight legs only.

    • D. 

      Just a tail!

    • E. 

      Five: two arms (or wings), two legs, and a tail.

  • 3. 
    What's the first thing most people notice about you?
    • A. 

      The hundreds of squirming babies crawling around on your back.

    • B. 

      Your long, lustrous antennae.

    • C. 

      They normally don't, because you are effectively invisible.

    • D. 

      Your face, especially your complex, glistening mandibles.

    • E. 

      Your friendly attitude. You wanna play? Oh, you want the stick? Go get it! Good boy! Drop it. I said "Drop it!"

  • 4. 
    What's your greatest flaw at work?
    • A. 

      You've been known to fling your own shit at others, and that's not to mention the constant humping.

    • B. 

      You technically have no brain or skeleton, so that can be a drawback.

    • C. 

      You're known for your total indolence during winter, to the point that your heartrate slows to near stopping.

    • D. 

      You communicate solely by hissing and rattling maracas.

    • E. 

      You are constantly stealing shiny things and burying them while no one's looking

  • 5. 
    Who's most important in your life?
    • A. 

      Your mother, no doubt. She raised you for almost a full week before dying of old age.

    • B. 

      Yourself, duh. You're not really cognizant of other beings as anything other than objects, so it has to be you.

    • C. 

      Whoever's blood this is you're drinking.

    • D. 

      Whoever you're humping at the moment, you guess.

    • E. 

      This cool guy who's been singing to you from a thousand miles away. At least, you think it's a guy.

  • 6. 
    How do you feel about kids?
    • A. 

      You'd be happy to have some, as long as you can con someone else into raising them.

    • B. 

      You think they're delicious!

    • C. 

      You want to have exactly one after several years of painstakingly trying to attract a mate. How can you be so bad at this? You don't even have any predators!

    • D. 

      Sex is gross, but you'd be perfectly happy ripping yourself into two roughly equal parts if that's an option.

    • E. 

      There's a really nice woman you know, and you're working up the nerve to bury your face into her flesh so she can use you as a fanny pack full of sperm.

    • F. 

      It'd be nice to have a small family, just 4 or so litters of 6 at a time.

  • 7. 
    What's your favorite movie?
    • A. 

      Dances with Wolves

    • B. 

      Free Willy

    • C. 

      The Bear

    • D. 

      Again, you don't have a brain, nor eyes nor ears, so movies aren't really your thing.

    • E. 

      A Bug's Life

  • 8. 
    What do you look for in a mate?
    • A. 

      A giant, bright red ass.

    • B. 

      You like them bigger, around 170 tons.

    • C. 

      Lustrous fur, healthy-smelling, strong. Or a stuffed animal. That would work, too.

    • D. 

      There's only one woman for you. Literally -- the rest of the women you know are infertile.

    • E. 

      You like your men hairy. It helps if they smell like rotten salmon.