What Type Of Gardener Are You?

15 Questions

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What Type Of Gardener Are You?

Discover your Green Thumb personality type!


Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    When you see an empty unkempt lot, you:
    • A. 

      Wonder at the resilience of Nature and how she clothes herself with opportunistic species, even when man has stripped away the trees.

    • B. 

      See a seedbombing target

    • C. 

      Wonder if the soil has been contaminated with heavy metals, oil or other toxins.

    • D. 

      Wonder if you could commandeer it post-collapse and grow some storable crops without irrigation.

    • E. 

      Walk on by without paying much attention.

    • F. 

      An empty lot? So what? It's lunch time!

    • G. 

      Consider counting the various weed species to determine the relative fertility of the site.

    • H. 

      Wonder if they'll let you borrow the land to grow corn.

    • I. 

      Think about how pathetic it is that someone would just let their land go.

  • 2. 
    You're at your local library and see there's about to be a presentation by a Master Gardener on proper lawn care. You decide to:
    • A. 

      Stay and find out if there are organic practices that would make your lawn a safer place for children, pets and wildlife.

    • B. 

      Wait until everyone is there, then commandeer the microphone and make an impassioned rant against the madness of growing a monoculture.

    • C. 

      Skip the presentation. Lawns only represent a dim reflection of the glory of nature.

    • D. 

      Skip it. You can't eat lawns.

    • E. 

      Stay and hear the presentation. Why not? Maybe it'll help you keep things looking good around the house.

    • F. 

      Skip it. All this will soon burn in the coming Apocalypse. You shake your head at the sheeple filing in.

    • G. 

      Attend it. There must be a better way of getting grass perfectly under control.

    • H. 

      Stay. At least for a while. After a few minutes, you realize the talk is exceedingly basic, so you excuse yourself to go see if there are any books on microbiology you've left unread.

    • I. 

      Skip it. You're just at the library to borrow one of Salatin's books and don't have time for lawns.

  • 3. 
    You buy a new house. It was a foreclosure. The house needs paint, the roof has a leak and there are opportunistic shrubs, blackberry canes and a mix of invasive and native species trying to reclaim the yard. The first thing you do is:
    • A. 

      Get the soil tested for lead.

    • B. 

      Get the internet set up, then post a blog on why the banking system is destroying the world even as the plants we call "weeds" try to fix it.

    • C. 

      Walk around the yard and try to feel the energies to determine how nature wishes to heal herself.

    • D. 

      Look for a good spot to put the herb spiral you've been planning.

    • E. 

      Mow the yard, mark out a little spot for a garden bed, then get to work on the important work of fixing the house.

    • F. 

      Analyze the water supply to determine if it will work off-grid, then look for a good spot to bury your bullion.

    • G. 

      Hire a yard crew to fix everything. It must all be perfect!

    • H. 

      After an analysis of useful species currently in the system, you begin repairs on the roof so your books and delicate instruments can be set up.

    • I. 

      Start wondering if the empty land next door is for sale.

  • 4. 
    Someone tells you they just "aren't any good at gardening." You answer:
    • A. 

      "You know, just being outside would be good for you."

    • B. 

      "Then support those who are. Sign petitions for food-growing freedom! Start buying local! Quit buying limp chemical-laced produce from a thousand miles away! Do your part!"

    • C. 

      "You need to learn to talk to plants and feel their needs. You can do it if you simply let go of your desire for perfection."

    • D. 

      "Really? You should try some real home-grown jalapenos. That'll put some fire in your desire and get you motivated to learn, I'll tell you what!"

    • E. 

      "That's too bad, What in the world do you do with your spare time?"

    • F. 

      "Then you'll be the first to die."

    • G. 

      Nothing. That person isn't even worth talking to.

    • H. 

      "It's not for everyone, however, you might still be interested in seeing some of my results."

    • I. 

      "Then can I sign you up for a box a week of good, organic, local produce?"

  • 5. 
    You get a citation notice on your front door, threatening you with a fine for having a messy yard. You decide to:
    • A. 

      Take a few deep breaths, then go take care of the problem. There's no reason to let your cortisol levels go up too much.

    • B. 

      Burn the notice and post the video to YouTube. You then go directly to City Hall and take the battle for your freedom all the way to the highest courts, if necessary. And if that fails, you'll immolate yourself in front of the UN building.

    • C. 

      Fix things to maintain the peace, but you wonder why there's so much need for humans to control other humans.

    • D. 

      Ignore it until after lunch.

    • E. 

      Fix whatever needs fixing. These things happen.

    • F. 

      Keep a low profile by fixing whatever needs fixing... yet at the same time, you wonder if they noticed the vault you were building.

    • G. 

      Tear it up. There's no way that notice was meant for MY perfect yard!

    • H. 

      Pay the fine to buy yourself some time. There's research to do and you don't have time to deal with every weenie detail.

    • I. 

      Fix things quickly so you can get back to work. You certainly can't afford a fine right now... there are chicks to buy.

  • 6. 
    You are asked about your favorite gardening book. You answer:
    • A. 

      Steve Solomon's "The Intelligent Gardener," because it covers the need we all have for micronutrients.

    • B. 

      Masanobu Fukuoka's "One Straw Revolution."

    • C. 

      Toby Hemenway's "Gaia's Garden."

    • D. 

      Patricia Lanza's "Lasagna Gardening," just because you love lasagna.

    • E. 

      Dick Reymond's "Joy of Gardening."

    • F. 

      "Gardening When It Counts," by Steve Solomon. And "The Resilient Gardener," by Carol Deppe. And, of course, "The Humanure Handbook," by Joseph Jenkins.

    • G. 

      "Square Foot Gardening," by Mel Bartholomew.

    • H. 

      King's "Farmers of 40 Centuries," as well as Smith's "Tree Crops."

    • I. 

      "You Can Farm," by Joel Salatin. That's the book that got you started, along with "Five Acres and Independence."

  • 7. 
    Your preferred gardening outfit is:
    • A. 

      Natural cotton, plus sunblock.

    • B. 

      All black, so you can seedbomb in the dark.

    • C. 

      A flowing sundress or robe with a home-woven hat.

    • D. 

      Something with a loose waistband.

    • E. 

      An old work shirt, boots and gloves. plus a straw hat with gardening-related pins on it.

    • F. 

      A wifebeater and camo pants. And a sidearm, of course, but that doesn't even merit mentioning.

    • G. 

      Your Sunday best.

    • H. 

      A lab coat.

    • I. 

      Overalls or jeans and a checkered shirt.

  • 8. 
    Your favorite garden tool is:
    • A. 

      A brix tester.

    • B. 

      A sickle.

    • C. 

      Your eyes, ears, nose, hands and heart.

    • D. 

      A basket for fresh produce.

    • E. 

      Your Troybilt tiller.

    • F. 

      A Meadow Creature broadfork, since you can still till grid-down.

    • G. 

      Just one tool? It takes a wide variety of carefully selected high-end tools to keep things looking this good around here.

    • H. 

      Something that displays sine waves.

    • I. 

      A good tractor.

  • 9. 
    When your family comes over, they think your garden:
    • A. 

      Is really putting your money where your mouth is.

    • B. 

      Is incomprehensible. They worry about your priorities and urge you to settle down.

    • C. 

      Is peaceful, but that you're a bit of a moonbat.

    • D. 

      Is delicious.

    • E. 

      Is a nice way for you to spend your weekend afternoons.

    • F. 

      Is a bit extreme. I mean, who needs that much grain corn?

    • G. 

      Is perfect. Maybe too perfect.

    • H. 

      Is impressive, but they have no idea how truly valuable your observations will be one day.

    • I. 

      Might not be as good an occupation as law, but it sure looks like you're pulling things together.

  • 10. 
    Politically, you lean towards:
    • A. 

      Anyone willing to stand up against Big Ag and get us better food labeling laws and the ability to buy raw milk.

    • B. 

      Politicians are tools! The real power is right here!

    • C. 

      Anyone who can reach across the aisles and see we're all in this together.

    • D. 

      Who cares?

    • E. 

      Conservatives, generally.

    • F. 

      It doesn't matter anymore. Soon this country will break up into a million pieces. I just hope they hang the bankers and congressmen before they all flee the chaos they created.

    • G. 

      Anyone who keeps things safe, secure, clean and orderly.

    • H. 

      There's an election going on? Hmm. Wonder if there's a need for statistical analysts...

    • I. 

      Whoever will leave me alone so I can work.

  • 11. 
    Your favorite plant is:
    • A. 

      Kale.

    • B. 

      Running bamboo.

    • C. 

      All of them, because in a way, they're all connected.

    • D. 

      Whatever is fetching a decent price right now.

    • E. 

      Whichever species is currently under the microscope.

    • F. 

      A well-kept one.

    • G. 

      Potatoes.

    • H. 

      Tomatoes.

    • I. 

      Anything that works with fresh Parmesan.

  • 12. 
    At what time of day do you like to garden?
    • A. 

      Sunrise to sunset.

    • B. 

      I wouldn't say it's gardening so much as it is field testing.

    • C. 

      Whenever anything is out of place, that's the time to step in and fix it.

    • D. 

      As often as I can and whenever I can. TEOTWAWKI waits for no man.

    • E. 

      Weekends.

    • F. 

      Mid-morning, after breakfast and my second cup of Blue Mountain coffee.

    • G. 

      Whenever the need to escape fills me.

    • H. 

      Sporadically, in big messy jumps.

    • I. 

      Early morning so as to match our circadian rhythms.

  • 13. 
    Your garden is predominantily filled with:
    • A. 

      Traditional favorites.

    • B. 

      High-calorie survival crops.

    • C. 

      Delicious exotic vegetables and herbs.

    • D. 

      Ornamentals.

    • E. 

      A splash of colorful native flowers... an abundance of healing herbs... delicious veggies... and a nice swath of flowering plants for our lovely winged friends.

    • F. 

      Native weeds, seed-grown trees, scattered edibles, mulch from the tree companies and piles of logs, cardboard and other recycled organic materials.

    • G. 

      Ordered and numbered varieties from around the world.

    • H. 

      Nutrient-dense crops.

    • I. 

      Depends on the season and what's hot at the Farmer's Market.

  • 14. 
    When someone asks you why you garden, you tell them:
    • A. 

      "It's a living."

    • B. 

      "Because no one has done the direct research in this area that's required if we're to introduce new and beneficial species."

    • C. 

      "So my yard doesn't look like that ugly one over there."

    • D. 

      "Because time is short."

    • E. 

      "I just like it."

    • F. 

      "Because you can't buy food this good!"

    • G. 

      "Because the garden grows me as a person."

    • H. 

      "Because someone has to take a stand against tyranny and this is the most direct action we can take."

    • I. 

      "Because my family and I just don't trust the stuff in the grocery stores anymore."

  • 15. 
    Your favorite color is:
    • A. 

      Green

    • B. 

      Red

    • C. 

      All of them

    • D. 

      Rich, deep hues

    • E. 

      Blue

    • F. 

      Infrared

    • G. 

      Grey, black and neutrals

    • H. 

      It's just not that important to me

    • I. 

      The brown of good dirt