How To Become An Assassin? Find Out Here!

8 Questions | Total Attempts: 296

How To Become An Assassin? Find Out Here! - Quiz

Do you want to become an assassin? Then you should take this quiz and find out how to become an assassin!


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Cultivating the Assassin Personality

In terms of gender, you have two choices: you can be male or female. If you choose male, you have to work on becoming as quiet, methodical, and creepy as possible. Think Jean Reno in Leon, in which case masturbating over a young Natalie Portman is part of your remit. If you go for the female vibe, you have to sex things up - Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, or that woman in Nikita are your starting points. Big breasts are recommended. Whatever your genitals, your mode of killing will determine your personality: if you plan to be a sniper, it's better to say nothing, or very little, dress in black, and shuffle around unnoticed with a non-descript bag. If you are planning to get up close and personal, beating or stabbing your victims, it is imperative that you have a number of cool/amusing phrases at your disposal.

Becoming a Ninja/Buying Weapons

This leads us to our next step. The getting-up-close option is not for the faint hearted. Many people are good fighters - much better than the average Uncyclopedia reader. The last thing you want as an assassin is to get kicked in the nuts at your first gig. Therefore it's a good idea to convert yourself into a bad-ass ninja. Training programs tend to be based in the Far East, but a little online research will pay for itself, as you are likely to find cheaper options provided you are happy to train in less 'authentic' places, such as India, or Swiss Cottage.Weapons are an entirely different consideration. Some people say that guns are a coward's weapon. Let's see how confident they are saying that with your .44 pressed to their eyelid! If you are American, it is important to try to buy your firearm legally, because, if you commit a massacre, this allows the press to spend a token 5 minutes questioning gun control in the country.

Choosing a Target

It is worth mentioning that any improvisation in this department is welcome, as it is in unpredictability that men are distinguished from the boys. You will indeed have a greater impact and benefit from the element of surprise. No one would blink an eye if the president of South Korea was blown to pieces tomorrow, but imagine the fuss if someone tampered with Stephen Hawking's brakes and took out the world's most famous physicist!Having said that, many assassins prefer to keep things political, distancing themselves from regular 'killers'. If you fancy getting a political bigwig in your crosshairs, go for someone who the US gives a shit about, otherwise you run the risk of not achieving the fame you might.

Obsessive Surveillance

You have to track your target's every move. Where do they work? Where do they live? What form of transport do they take? Do they decadently smoke a cigarette out on the balcony after making passionate love to their spouses? These things will help you to choose an appropriate time and place for the assassination. Bear in mind that, while it is important to remember details, taking notes can be incriminating. If you write things down, you might want to write words backwards, or use a foreign language, like French, which no one will understand. If you post on Twitter or Facebook about your plans, remember to delete all posts after the actual killing. And use different internet cafes each time you log on. And only use your time on the internet for this purpose. And use the name of a different Uncyclopedian on your profiles.
Questions and Answers
  • 1. 
    When it comes on walking, are you loud?
    • A. 

      Yes very

    • B. 

      Yes but I like the challenge of catching my prey

    • C. 

      Never , I`m silent

    • D. 

      If I have backup I`m louder , but no

  • 2. 
    How would you kill your target?
    • A. 

      With my team

    • B. 

      By myself

    • C. 

      Depends on the target

    • D. 

      I haven`t worked yet , I`m new

  • 3. 
    What weapons would you prefer ?
    • A. 

      Knife , gas , silenced pistol

    • B. 

      Wire , shotgun , silenced pistol

    • C. 

      M 16 , grenades , m 21

    • D. 

      Knife , m16 , wire

  • 4. 
    Are you clumsy?
    • A. 

      Yes

    • B. 

      No

    • C. 

      I can`t afford to be

    • D. 

      I`ve never been caught but yes

  • 5. 
    Are you good with hand to hand combat?
    • A. 

      Yes, I box

    • B. 

      Not at all

    • C. 

      If I need to fight I kill with one punch

    • D. 

      I never have to , , I`d just shoot them

  • 6. 
    Why do you want to kill? its for what? 
    • A. 

      Money

    • B. 

      Revenge

    • C. 

      My country

    • D. 

      The joy of killing

  • 7. 
    Someone is outside your door and seems to be trying to kill you. What do you do?
    • A. 

      I open the door with a gun in each hand.

    • B. 

      I climb out of the window and re enter the building from an unexpected direction.

    • C. 

      I activate the booby-trap on my door and ask him to come in.

    • D. 

      I phone my boyfriend/girlfriend.

  • 8. 
    How do you dress?
    • A. 

      I wear my black coat so that people can see how evil I am.

    • B. 

      I wear my cliched coat mostly for pub meets and other public events.

    • C. 

      I wear fluffy and colorful clothes.

    • D. 

      Something with lots of pockets, I need space to store all those guns.

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