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Intimate Relationships Chap 1
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Side A ------ Side B short term/ long term mating strategies ------ pursue different attributes -men have greater desire for short-term flings/multiple partners/sex sooner...long-term prefer chaste partners rather than "easy" short-term. More value for looks/youth -women seek sexy, charming, dominant, masculine men in short-term...long-term looks for good financial prospects for safe child's environment cultural influences determine whether inherited habits are still adaptive ------ Cultural influences determine whether evolved patterns of behavior are adaptive- and culture change occurs faster than evolution does -our species exhibits pattern of behavior adapted eons ago, but may not be adaptive in modern society Ex. desire for multiple partners less adaptive: creation of reproductive technologies and spread of lethal STD's...commitment and monogamy may be more successful now men/women should differ only to the extent of their different reproductive dilemmas ------ parental investment-biological difference of time/energy invested between genders...women who chose mates carefully had better reproductive success...but other women may have had more children -Women always know the child is theirs...men suffer from paternity uncertainty, unless completely certain mate has been faithful sexual selection has shaped mankind ------ natural selection-the most fit organisms with advantages conferred on animals that cope more effectively when faced with predators/environmental challenges...results in greater success at reproduction Evolutionary psychology has 3 fundamental assumptions: ------ sexual selection shapes mankind, men/women should differ only to the extent of their different reproductive dilemmas, cultural influences determine whether inherited habits are still adaptive-----------------------------------------------------evolutionary perspective brought intriguing discoveries but are speculative...may actually be impacted by culture's gender roles, rather than evolution sociometer theory ------ argues that if others regard us positively, self-esteem is high, but if others don't want to associate with us, self-esteem is low (low self-esteem undermines and sabotages relationships) gender roles ------ the patterns of behavior that are culturally expected of "normal" men and women -"masculine"- assertive, self-reliant, decisive, competent, competitive -"feminine"- warm, sensitive, emotionally, expressive, kind -only 25-33% inherited reinforcing stereotypes ------ is bad; can be inaccurate, damaging, decrease understanding, prevent mutualism androgynous ------ 35% of people considered, exhibiting both male/female stereotypical traits...capable of being both comfortable and capable instrumental traits ------ "masculine task-oriented talents"; assertive, self-reliance, ambition, leadership, decisiveness expressive traits ------ "feminine" social and emotional skills; warmth, tenderness, compassion, kindness, and sensitivity to others personality traits ------ stable tendencies that characterize people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior across their whole lives. OCEAN...EAC=pleasant, neurotic=bad self-esteem ------ our evaluations of ourselves, in part, from interactions with others -high: hold favorable judgments of skills/traits (we like us, other people regard well, and value relationship) -low: doubt ourselves (we don't interest others, they show disinterest) sex vs. gender differences ------ distinguishing sex and gender differences can be hard because social expectations/training are attached to their sex...these differences are taught to us as we grow up common sense ------ tends to exaggerate sex differences (easy to classify traits as either masculine/feminine and convenient to apply simple stereotypes to them) gender differences ------ social or psychological distinctions that are created by our cultures and up-bringing. Ex. belief that women are more loving, nurturing parents than men 3 points on sex differences: ------ some differences are real, but quite small...usually statistically significant-numerically reliable -the range of behavior and opinions among members of a given sex is always huge compared to the average difference between the sexes (highly permissive man has more in common with average woman, than with low-scoring man) -overlap in behavior and opinions is so large that "many" members of one sex will always score higher than the average member of the other sex. Ex. look for permissiveness in both men and women, since many women are still permissive even though men tend to be more permissive sex differences ------ biological distinctions between men and women that spring naturally from their physical natures. female/male actual sex differences overlap a substantial extent (large to medium to small sex difference- d= .8-.5-.2) Ex. masturbation, sexual permissiveness, and sexual partners normal curve ------ distinctive chart that demonstrates: a) most people have talents or abilities that are only slightly better or worse than average b) extreme levels of most traits are rare singlism ------ prejudice and discrimination against those who choose to remain single and opt not to devote themselves to a primary romantic relationship...ex. social security, insurance rates, and service in restaurants. -although norm is to be a couple, singles can have active social life, supportive friends, and celebrate freedom/self-sufficiency avoidance of intimacy ------ affects the ease and trust with which they accept interdependent intimacy with others (comfortable/relaxed=low avoidance, uneasy=high in avoidance) anxiety about abandonment ------ the dread that others will find them unworthy and leave. People burdened with anxiety/discomfort unless with secure attachment reasons to avoid being close to others: ------ People could want relationships but be wary of them, fearing rejection and mistrusting them People could be independent and self-reliant, preferring autonomy and freedom to close attachments with others fearful (avoidant) ------ avoided intimacy because of fears of rejection (want people to like them but worry about the risks)...uncomfortable with intimacy and fear it won't last dismissing (avoidant) ------ felt intimacy with others just wasn't worth the trouble. These people reject intimacy with others because they feel self-sufficient and don't care much whether others like them or not preoccupied (anxious ambivalent) ------ Attentive care was unpredictable and inconsistent. Caregivers were warm/caring sometimes and also distracted/anxious/unavailable. Mixed feelings are felt and this is known as ANXIOUS AMBIVALENT attachment -uncertain of when or if the caregiver will return, nervous/clingy, neediness in relationships -ex. cried and clung to mothers while ignoring reassurances attachment styles: ------ global orientations toward relationships produced from interactions with caregiver 4 attachment styles: ------ secure, preoccupied, fearful, dismissing Attachment styles differ in: ------ avoidance of intimacy and anxiety about abandonment secure ------ many call for help when hungry, wet, scared, etc. and found care/protection to be reliably available, later could rely on others comfortably and saw them as trustworthy sources of security/kindness...this developed into the SECURE style of attachment -happily bonded with others and readily had relationships with relaxed trust -ex. run to mothers in intimidating situation, calm down, explore sex ratio ------ (count of men vs women) -a high ratio has more men than women, low ration has more women than men -usually ratio of women to men that are slightly older -high sex ratios tend to support traditional roles for men and women...sexually conservative -low sex ratios tend to support less traditional and more permissive roles -believes it is meant to promote the ways of society's most powerful members -housewives/financial dependence/anti-divorce is good for man when little women -this is speculative but compelling socioeconomic development ------ general trend towards being single, more divorces, later marriage age as society industrializes and becomes more affluent (allows more travel/independence/work more) personal fulfillment/individualism ------ western culture also promotes personal fulfillment and individualism has increased, while eastern cultures are much more collectivist new technology ------ more internet (geography/attractiveness matter less). new technology also matters since since reproductive advancements allow single women to have children from spermbank catalogues...can also control their fertility...also more solitary entertainment time Sources of Change ------ socioeconomic development, personal fulfillment/individualism, new technology, sex ratios Commitment: ------ they expect their partnership to continue indefinitely, and invest time, effort, and resources to realize that goal or will find themselves less interdependent and knowledgable as time goes on The Need to Belong ------ we are driven to establish and maintain close relationships with other people, if the need is not met, a variety of problems follow, the need to belong evolved over eons, gradually becoming a natural tendency in all human beings due to dangerous circumstances The influence of culture ------ culture influences relationships and since the 1960's, fewer married, married older, more cohabitation, more divorce, more children out of wedlock, more internet (geography/attractiveness matter less) mutuality: ------ they recognize the overlap of their lives and think of themselves as "us", not "me/her/him" Trust: ------ the expectation that an intimate partner will treat one fairly and honorably. They expect there will be no mutual harm to each other and will be responsive to needs and welfare. When trust is lost, interdependence/openness decrease caring: ------ intimate partners often care about each other, feeling more affection for one another than they do for most others interdependence: ------ the extent to which they need and influence each other -it is frequent (they often affect each other) -it is strong (they have a meaningful impact on each other) -it is diverse (they influence each other in many different ways) -it is enduring (they influence each other over long period of time) -one's behavior affects the partner as well as oneself intimate relationships differ in 6 ways: ------ knowledge, caring, interdependence, mutuality, trust, and commitment knowledge: ------ intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential knowledge about each other relationship ------ an inconstant entity, the product of shifting transactions of complex people (trust is also a fluid, not static, process)....more than the sum of its parts, but combo of their histories/talents Negative aspects of relationships ------ people may fear secrets revealed, loss of autonomy, and abandonment...chronic aggravation and annoyance can negatively impact one's health....however, we need intimacy as a social species, but distress and displeasure sometimes result from our dealings
Side A ------ Side B short term/ long term mating strategies ------ pursue different attributes -men have greater desire for short-term flings/multiple partners/sex sooner...long-term prefer chaste partners rather than "easy" short-term. More value for looks/youth -women seek sexy, charming, dominant, masculine men in short-term...long-term looks for good financial prospects for safe child's environment cultural influences determine whether inherited habits are still adaptive ------ Cultural influences determine whether evolved patterns of behavior are adaptive- and culture change occurs faster than evolution does -our species exhibits pattern of behavior adapted eons ago, but may not be adaptive in modern society Ex. desire for multiple partners less adaptive: creation of reproductive technologies and spread of lethal STD's...commitment and monogamy may be more successful now men/women should differ only to the extent of their different reproductive dilemmas ------ parental investment-biological difference of time/energy invested between genders...women who chose mates carefully had better reproductive success...but other women may have had more children -Women always know the child is theirs...men suffer from paternity uncertainty, unless completely certain mate has been faithful sexual selection has shaped mankind ------ natural selection-the most fit organisms with advantages conferred on animals that cope more effectively when faced with predators/environmental challenges...results in greater success at reproduction Evolutionary psychology has 3 fundamental assumptions: ------ sexual selection shapes mankind, men/women should differ only to the extent of their different reproductive dilemmas, cultural influences determine whether inherited habits are still adaptive-----------------------------------------------------evolutionary perspective brought intriguing discoveries but are speculative...may actually be impacted by culture's gender roles, rather than evolution sociometer theory ------ argues that if others regard us positively, self-esteem is high, but if others don't want to associate with us, self-esteem is low (low self-esteem undermines and sabotages relationships) gender roles ------ the patterns of behavior that are culturally expected of "normal" men and women -"masculine"- assertive, self-reliant, decisive, competent, competitive -"feminine"- warm, sensitive, emotionally, expressive, kind -only 25-33% inherited reinforcing stereotypes ------ is bad; can be inaccurate, damaging, decrease understanding, prevent mutualism androgynous ------ 35% of people considered, exhibiting both male/female stereotypical traits...capable of being both comfortable and capable instrumental traits ------ "masculine task-oriented talents"; assertive, self-reliance, ambition, leadership, decisiveness expressive traits ------ "feminine" social and emotional skills; warmth, tenderness, compassion, kindness, and sensitivity to others personality traits ------ stable tendencies that characterize people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior across their whole lives. OCEAN...EAC=pleasant, neurotic=bad self-esteem ------ our evaluations of ourselves, in part, from interactions with others -high: hold favorable judgments of skills/traits (we like us, other people regard well, and value relationship) -low: doubt ourselves (we don't interest others, they show disinterest) sex vs. gender differences ------ distinguishing sex and gender differences can be hard because social expectations/training are attached to their sex...these differences are taught to us as we grow up common sense ------ tends to exaggerate sex differences (easy to classify traits as either masculine/feminine and convenient to apply simple stereotypes to them) gender differences ------ social or psychological distinctions that are created by our cultures and up-bringing. Ex. belief that women are more loving, nurturing parents than men 3 points on sex differences: ------ some differences are real, but quite small...usually statistically significant-numerically reliable -the range of behavior and opinions among members of a given sex is always huge compared to the average difference between the sexes (highly permissive man has more in common with average woman, than with low-scoring man) -overlap in behavior and opinions is so large that "many" members of one sex will always score higher than the average member of the other sex. Ex. look for permissiveness in both men and women, since many women are still permissive even though men tend to be more permissive sex differences ------ biological distinctions between men and women that spring naturally from their physical natures. female/male actual sex differences overlap a substantial extent (large to medium to small sex difference- d= .8-.5-.2) Ex. masturbation, sexual permissiveness, and sexual partners normal curve ------ distinctive chart that demonstrates: a) most people have talents or abilities that are only slightly better or worse than average b) extreme levels of most traits are rare singlism ------ prejudice and discrimination against those who choose to remain single and opt not to devote themselves to a primary romantic relationship...ex. social security, insurance rates, and service in restaurants. -although norm is to be a couple, singles can have active social life, supportive friends, and celebrate freedom/self-sufficiency avoidance of intimacy ------ affects the ease and trust with which they accept interdependent intimacy with others (comfortable/relaxed=low avoidance, uneasy=high in avoidance) anxiety about abandonment ------ the dread that others will find them unworthy and leave. People burdened with anxiety/discomfort unless with secure attachment reasons to avoid being close to others: ------ People could want relationships but be wary of them, fearing rejection and mistrusting them People could be independent and self-reliant, preferring autonomy and freedom to close attachments with others fearful (avoidant) ------ avoided intimacy because of fears of rejection (want people to like them but worry about the risks)...uncomfortable with intimacy and fear it won't last dismissing (avoidant) ------ felt intimacy with others just wasn't worth the trouble. These people reject intimacy with others because they feel self-sufficient and don't care much whether others like them or not preoccupied (anxious ambivalent) ------ Attentive care was unpredictable and inconsistent. Caregivers were warm/caring sometimes and also distracted/anxious/unavailable. Mixed feelings are felt and this is known as ANXIOUS AMBIVALENT attachment -uncertain of when or if the caregiver will return, nervous/clingy, neediness in relationships -ex. cried and clung to mothers while ignoring reassurances attachment styles: ------ global orientations toward relationships produced from interactions with caregiver 4 attachment styles: ------ secure, preoccupied, fearful, dismissing Attachment styles differ in: ------ avoidance of intimacy and anxiety about abandonment secure ------ many call for help when hungry, wet, scared, etc. and found care/protection to be reliably available, later could rely on others comfortably and saw them as trustworthy sources of security/kindness...this developed into the SECURE style of attachment -happily bonded with others and readily had relationships with relaxed trust -ex. run to mothers in intimidating situation, calm down, explore sex ratio ------ (count of men vs women) -a high ratio has more men than women, low ration has more women than men -usually ratio of women to men that are slightly older -high sex ratios tend to support traditional roles for men and women...sexually conservative -low sex ratios tend to support less traditional and more permissive roles -believes it is meant to promote the ways of society's most powerful members -housewives/financial dependence/anti-divorce is good for man when little women -this is speculative but compelling socioeconomic development ------ general trend towards being single, more divorces, later marriage age as society industrializes and becomes more affluent (allows more travel/independence/work more) personal fulfillment/individualism ------ western culture also promotes personal fulfillment and individualism has increased, while eastern cultures are much more collectivist new technology ------ more internet (geography/attractiveness matter less). new technology also matters since since reproductive advancements allow single women to have children from spermbank catalogues...can also control their fertility...also more solitary entertainment time Sources of Change ------ socioeconomic development, personal fulfillment/individualism, new technology, sex ratios Commitment: ------ they expect their partnership to continue indefinitely, and invest time, effort, and resources to realize that goal or will find themselves less interdependent and knowledgable as time goes on The Need to Belong ------ we are driven to establish and maintain close relationships with other people, if the need is not met, a variety of problems follow, the need to belong evolved over eons, gradually becoming a natural tendency in all human beings due to dangerous circumstances The influence of culture ------ culture influences relationships and since the 1960's, fewer married, married older, more cohabitation, more divorce, more children out of wedlock, more internet (geography/attractiveness matter less) mutuality: ------ they recognize the overlap of their lives and think of themselves as "us", not "me/her/him" Trust: ------ the expectation that an intimate partner will treat one fairly and honorably. They expect there will be no mutual harm to each other and will be responsive to needs and welfare. When trust is lost, interdependence/openness decrease caring: ------ intimate partners often care about each other, feeling more affection for one another than they do for most others interdependence: ------ the extent to which they need and influence each other -it is frequent (they often affect each other) -it is strong (they have a meaningful impact on each other) -it is diverse (they influence each other in many different ways) -it is enduring (they influence each other over long period of time) -one's behavior affects the partner as well as oneself intimate relationships differ in 6 ways: ------ knowledge, caring, interdependence, mutuality, trust, and commitment knowledge: ------ intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential knowledge about each other relationship ------ an inconstant entity, the product of shifting transactions of complex people (trust is also a fluid, not static, process)....more than the sum of its parts, but combo of their histories/talents Negative aspects of relationships ------ people may fear secrets revealed, loss of autonomy, and abandonment...chronic aggravation and annoyance can negatively impact one's health....however, we need intimacy as a social species, but distress and displeasure sometimes result from our dealings
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